[Update: Thank you for your comments on this post. We’ve made some updates to memorials for recently deceased folks based on your feedback. Updates include making it a little easier to get to the memorial and adding options to report duplicates, suggest corrections and add the memorial to a virtual cemetery. We’ve also added a few more details to the types of relationships and made those match up better with the information in the help files.]
Over the years, we’ve heard from members about the timing of memorials for people who are recently deceased. The time directly following the loss of a loved one can be challenging and when a family member finds that an unrelated person has created a Find a Grave® memorial for their loved one before the family has had a reasonable time to mourn, it can add to the emotional strain.
We’ve made some changes on the site that we hope will help close relatives, while still supporting the Find a Grave community’s efforts to catalog death and burial information. These changes include:
- Limits on what is shown on memorials for people who have died in the past 3 months.
- An option for memorial creators and managers to indicate their relationship to the person memorialized.
- A simplified process for family members to request management of memorials of people who have died in the past year.
- Other updates to support these changes.
These changes will apply to memorials added after January 11, 2022.
We are also updating our transfer guidelines to include some close relatives that are not in a direct line.
Here are a few examples to provide more details about the changes:
Memorials Managed By a Relative
When you add a new memorial, you’ll be asked, “Are you a close relative?” You can also set your relationship to people in memorials you already manage on the Edit page. If you select “Yes” and choose your relationship, the memorial will look and be displayed like any other memorial on the site.
When adding your relationship, use the checkbox to make your relationship public or private. If you choose to “Show relationship in source information,” your relationship will display next to your profile name at the bottom of the memorial. If you choose to keep your relationship private, nothing will be displayed next to your profile name for other members, but you will see a note that your relationship is private.
In memorials lists, you will also see a green dot (public) or lock (private) to indicate memorials for people you are related to.
Memorials Managed By Someone Who is Not Related
For memorials managed by someone who is not a relative, the manager’s view of the memorial will be just the same as any other memorial they manage. To other viewers, the memorial will display with limited information for three months from the death date. Here is an example of what a memorial for a recently deceased person will look like in a search list (for everyone except the manager):
In addition to limiting the information we display, we have also added a simple way for family members to request to manage the memorial. A close relative can click the “Manage” button, add their relationship, and become the manager of a new memorial for that person. Since the manager is related, the memorial will now display and act as any other memorial on the site.
After three months from the death date, the view of the memorial is no longer limited. The memorial will show as others do except that for up to a year from the death date, the option for a close relative to “Manage” the memorial will show on the memorial.
Adding Your Relationship to Memorials You Manage
Relationship information helps us make decisions about merges, transfer requests and memorials for the recently deceased. You can add your relationship to existing memorials that you manage. To add your relationship, go to the memorial, select “Edit,” scroll down, and choose your relationship. We limit the number of memorials you can manage with certain relationship types to help prevent abuse.
You can find a list of memorials you are related to by hovering over your profile name, selecting “My Memorials” and choosing “Related” from the dropdown menu next to “My Memorials.”
Updates to Transfer Guidelines
Memorials are transferred for relatives with these close relationships: child, spouse/partner, sibling, parent, grandchild, great-grandchild, grandparent, great-grandparent, niece/nephew, great niece/nephew, aunt/uncle, great aunt/uncle, or first cousin. This would include adoptive, step, and in-law versions of these relationships. Please show sensitivity to immediate and extended family members and their requests.
If two members are related within these guidelines and both would like to manage the memorial, the member with the closer relationship should be given management.
Learn more from our Help site here.
We sincerely appreciate all the volunteers and their work in adding memorials to the site everyday. We feel that these changes provide an appropriate balance between allowing memorials to be added for those who are recently deceased and showing sensitivity to their family members.
I especially like the opportunity to add my relationship to my memorials. It will take a minute to absorb all of the changes.
Two things which have always bothered me have been addressed.
One, I don’t like a NON-RELATIVE making a memorial immediately for someone the day after they’ve passed, or even within the first few weeks. You need to give the family time to breathe and decide what they want to do. Someone made a memorial for my brother-in-law immediately after he died which really upset my sister.
Two, regarding those people that won’t transfer memorials of those not related to them. There is a famous living person who adds memorials to Findagrave for people not related to him. When I requested a transfer for my management, the answer was no. My request was for a 1st cousin before these rule changes. I guess he’s a collector. Actually, there are three Findagraver’s who would not transfer my close relative. I’m not going to argue about it, but maybe these new changes will affect their attitude.
All in all, I think Findagrave is on the right track and maybe some tweaks regarding earlier comments can be made in the future.
Overall I applaud these changes, but a few thoughts:
1. “close relative” could be understand in diverse ways, esp. emotional/affective vs. kinship links. E.g. should a broken parent-child relationship trump a more genetically distant relationship that was emotionally closer? I can imagine scenarios where simply going with the person who is the fewest kinship steps removed might not be the best choice. Might need a review or appeal process.
2. I echo the idea suggested that the default should be “No”. Most of the memorials I post are not near kin of mine.
3. I also like the idea that there may be other key relations other than the ones listed. One comment suggested “family genealogist”, as in this person is a distant relation but I have a role in a (or the) family that includes the memorialized person, to do this kind of thing. There might be some other kinship roles that deserve priority over “no known relation”.
This is the very reason I made my memorial of my husband right away even tho I wasn’t ready to do it so some stranger wouldn’t come in and make it. Someone has made another one of him but the information is all wrong. Makes my heart break.
I think like for example… if it’s a father .. the child should have ownership… Not a non relative. I know of one that refuses to give owner to another that has a lot more information and is actually a close relative… And has proven it… What about situations like that?
I just went through my memorial (of which 90 per cent are related in some way or connected to people with whom I am related) I put in my relationship to my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. But as mentioned…. Would very much like a category for great-grandparents and if possible great great along with great aunts and uncles. I grew up in a very large Portuguese family and knew and was close to my great aunts and uncles. I don’t want to mis-identify them as just uncles and aunts or grandparents as genealogy is too important to me to throw researchers off with the wrong labels. Also I have entered all of my husbands family and don’t know what to do about that? It’s almost tempting to make him an account and transfer to I’m but that seems crazy and a waste of time?
I think no one “owns” a memorial. They just agree to manage it and having family rights over what is said about their relative is logical and sensitive. I manage a few hundred memorials for men and women who volunteered to go to Spain in the Spanish Civil War in 1937-1938. There were up to four thousand of these veterans.
I do find it curious that when I contribute a “biography” from my biographical dictionary on these veterans, often the “manager” never responds to a suggestion for other “Corrections”. Perhaps they disagree with the biography. Perhaps they are afraid of a copyright infringement. More likely they have stopped accepting messages and the memorial is actually parked in “purgatory” (especially if the manager has passed themselves or has stopped contributing to findagrave). It would be helpful to know if biographical additions are even being reviewed when you make such a contribution.
I think the new relationship listing is good. But I manage over 240 memorials for my family, my husbands family & there are not enough categories to cover them all & they’re limited to a certain number within the category. I have clients I do genealogy research for that I’ve added memorials & can’t list the relationship for them. Plus there is a limit for the amount of deleted relationships that are allowed, which is ridiculous when there aren’t enough categories
Hmmm, so to clarify. I have a few great great grandparents that I manage. Am I to consider these close relatives and click the grandparent button. Surely there are numerous gggrandchildren out there. But I’ve had them for 10 + years and take diligent care of them. Will someone be able to click manage and abscond with this Find a Grave person?
There was a time when a non relative( unknown)posted a full obit of my parent not long after the death. I was able upon contacting Find a Grave to manage the memorial and also edit the “newspapers’ full obit”. Announcements in the local newspapers come and go. I edited out on the Find A Grave post minors’ names and where some living residents live. Privacy concerns.
Thank you for the information especially with adding the part for the recently deceased. This happened to me when my husband passed. The information they put on Find a Grave was the 1st draft of the information for the memorial handout. I was very upset. The person was kind enough to delete the entry and I did myself when I knew we had the final draft.
Thank you. I have used and contributed to Find A Grave for many years. I was away from home for several weeks just before and after my mother’s passing. I was totally dismayed to find someone scouring the newspaper had used her obituary and created her memorial. It was one last loving task for me to do as a memorial to my mother….and it was stolen by someone who never knew her. Thank you. Thank you for making this change.
This is great! Possibly add a “Other Related” with a fill in the blank. Only for the purpose of noting the same.
I’ve lost my share of family members over the years, this was never on my list of things to be concerned about.
These are welcome changes! I will never forget trying to create a memorial for my aunt while in town for her service, and discovering that an unrelated person had already created a memorial for her. She wasn’t even buried yet! Because I was a niece, not a daughter, I had to go through some hoops to make sure that my aunt’s memorial got transferred to a family member. There is still an extremely unflattering picture of my aunt on that memorial that was put up by the creator, that I cannot remove.
Next up, could you please put safeguards in place so people do not create memorials for living persons? This tends to happen when a married couple has both their names on the headstone but only one has passed away. Someone will create memorials for both people, with a missing death date for the still living person. This wreaks havoc when that person does actually pass away and family members try to create a memorial, because the inappropriately created memorial has the prior date. Thanks.
Replying to myself… would you consider adding categories for in-law equivalents? I manage memorials for my husband‘s parents and grandparents, but it doesn’t feel right to list myself as a child or grandchild in those cases.
This is a great idea, but you need to add “sister-in-law” and “brother-in-law” to the list of close relatives.
Our Cemetery board is adding the stones that have not been previously posted. How can I do this? These are older graves nothing current.
Glad to see these changes. This change will provide the family the respect they deserve and an opportunity to honor their loved ones first. It is inconsiderate to post a recent memorial when you are not related; then requiring a family member to ask permission to manage their own loved ones. However, many thanks to those who have created Find a Grave’s in the past and then passed them on to family. I also like that we will be able to indicate how we are related to the memorial. Long time coming…. thanks, Find a Grave!
Great policy change, HOWEVER, it appears to accomplish very little for people such as myself, an only child, who had a person, unknown to either me or my mother, refuse to relinquish management of my Mother’s memorial after she passed away in 2010, simply because she would lose her “points”. This ain’t right and is the reason that I no longer even use Find A Grave. A complaint filed with Find A Grave, after repeated messages to the manager of My Mother’s memorial, went totally unanswered.
This is great! One simple enhancement I recommend is the addition of ‘in-laws’ to the relationships list. I’m sure many families have one genealogist / family historian who does everything. In my case, I already manage the memorials for my wife’s grandparents and father. It would be nice to formalize the relationship.
I am so glad to see that Find A Grave is becoming more sensitive to the issue of unrelated people posting memorials for the recently deceased. My husband passed suddenly in January 2021, and someone I do not know created a page for him and posted his obituary (which I wrote) less than a month later. I was stunned when I saw it. I have messaged the manager privately and also requested a transfer using the process Find A Grave recommends. The manager will not answer me, although I can see that they are active on Find A Grave, continuing to add memorial pages. I wrote Find A Grave asking for their assistance. I am still waiting to hear back from them.
Thank you on the recent deaths memorials. This happened to my grandmother with her memorial being put on the site before the funeral had taken place and with inaccurate information on it. It took me several months to finally get it transferred to me even after I submitted correct information to the current owner to edit to no avail.
Great idea. I’ve seen memorials created before the burial only to later discover that the obit was wrong and the burial was actually in a different location.
Like the changes. Might have been mentioned, but why a maximum of niece/nephews? I’m a at max already. Also on generations. I manage a lot of great aunt/uncles.
So, this applies only to recently created memorials where the death date is no more than 3 months before the creation date, right? Like some of the other members who have commented, I go through grave yards and take photographs of grave stones. Then I put them on a spreadsheet and post them that way in Find-a-Grave. I tried to stay away from recent burials, but if I inadvertently include one on the spreadsheet, how does that work?
Alfhard
Thank you for adding this much needed feature.
I am so happy to see this change. I have experienced this first hand. When my sister died 6 years ago I went to add a memorial for her the day after the funeral and there was a memorial already set up by a complete stranger. I’m sure they meant well and are eager to set up memorials but this really did upset me because I wasn’t the one to set it up.
Thank you so much for this update. I think it’s very unprofessional for someone to set up a “Find a Grave” site when not related to a person and not put correct information on the site. I have had this happen to several of my siblings on this site and had to jump through hoops to try and get it corrected.
At least give us time to mourn and see if we want to set the information up first.
Many thanks, Anna Marie Cain Grupe
My husband is not interested in genealogy but supports my interest (obsession) so I have created a few memorials for his family. Will there be a way to check 2 boxes as a relative with one being “in-law”?
I am not in favor of having a new memorial be limited to name & dates only for 3 months OR for allowing someone to claim a transfer because of relationship (or closer) relationship than i would have.
When I post a memorial it is solely for the purpose of creating a researchable record that current or future researchers can find. I always check to see if a recently deceased person of interest or relative has had a memorial posted. I do ask for transfers on occasion, and I do transfer also.
So I just went through my family Memorial’s. that I mange to put relationships. I received that Notice I reach my limit for niece /nephew, You really need to re think this.. I am a niece to. material aunts and uncles ,paternal aunts and Uncles, Now add the in-law material aunts and uncles and Paternal aunts and uncles, Then you add all of those with greats., just as a niece/nephew. ends up being a lot of people and your putting a limit on it. Just think I do even manage All my relatives that I am a niece to. Here I already Reached My limit.. .
I am in total agreement about a three month grieving period. That’s just respectful. What disappoints me are the very black and white new rules. Many people have relationships with others that don’t “fit the boxes.” Live-in partners, mentors, a neighbor they lovingly refer to as an “aunt.” Sharing blood is great for creating a hard and fast genealogical tree, but not so much in the world of actual relationships. This plan sounds like an open door for a lot of confusion. The emails you received from upset families might be replaced with emails from longtime Find a Grave users let down. Their genealogy research will undoubtedly be affected and perhaps Find a Grave won’t be as helpful as it always has been.
It’s about time someone put a stop to the irreverent people who are on the website just for the numbers. My mother passed away at 2230 hrs one evening and she had barely made it to the medical examiners and before morning someone had put her info onto the Find a Grave site. There had been no announcement of her passing and no obit even had time to reach the newspaper b4 this rude person had included her on their ‘count’. I’d surely like to know where this person got his info. You need to STOP including numbers for these people who obviously have no feelings for the immediate family. Its just for the numbers.. just so they can brag and appear to be doing such a great service.. Now this stranger has HIS name on MY mother’s remembrance and her own family is wondering why. The person responsible said he would transfer management to me but his info is still there…just so he can claim the numbers. That is SICK. .what these number ‘horders’ only care about is seeing their name alongside big numbers. I appreciate people inputting information but really…even before the body is cold? Show some respect. Would they like it if a stranger did the same to their family? And to that same person…don’t tell me to include Mr or Mrs for my parents…it should be MY memorial to them. I have also had people come onto my family memorials and put the picture THEY think is the better picture in the header.
I’ve never understood someone who wants to “own” memorials (like 44,000 memorials!). Every memorial that I’ve added is someone I know, or I’ve added them for a friend who asked me to. I agree that bios should always be added for future generations. I’ve found that many people have never heard of Find a Grave.
I have recently taken over management of Memorials created by a Fallen Graver in an old cemetery that is not kept up. Many of those Memorials have no birth or death information. Several only have a last name.
I’d taken over management because I wanted the people buried there to be remembered. Some of my ancestors are buried there including a veteran of The War of 1812. I’m having trouble trying to identify all of the people who were listed as being buried there were as I don’t have much information to go on.
These Memorial were created around 2000 for people who lived in the 1700s through the 1900s. I just found where a new member is adding people in a different cemetery with no birth or death information. One new Memorial only had the name, “a brown”.
I’d like to suggest that Memorials include at least a date to make searching for information on the person easier to locate. I try to find additional information such as middle and maiden names to add to Memorials.
I’m glad something will be in place as I experienced seeing my husband’s memorial created within a few weeks of his passing. I was surprised and it was totally unexpected to view it.
This site is about finding someone’s burial place. It’s considered morbid to people outside of us that do this kind of research and this feels like we are catering to those who “find it emotionally challenging” that someone added their memorial?
How about you make changes that actually help the people who contribute to this site?
And I agree with the person who said stop all the unknown burials. It’s ridiculous that I find a record of where someone is buried or a headstone and see there’s not a memorial in that cemetery and I add it. But then mine gets deleted because the unknown memorial was first so they get to move it and all of me research and work is gone forever?
I think it would be a courtesy to at least wait a few days until after the funeral or burial before creating the memorial. After my aunt died, I was busy traveling to and from the funeral and attending the funeral. When I went to create the memorial, I found that someone had created one before she was even in the ground!
II’m so sorry. I know exactly what that feels like. This happened to me, with my grandmother’s. I couldn’t go to the funeral because I was in a lot of pain from my disability, and by the time my family had returned, someone, within minutes of her body being placed in the ground, had posted. About 20 minutes later I logged in to discover that. It was the one thing I had that I could do for my grandmother and found I couldn’t because of some rando.
I think many of the commenters here are missing the point it’s to protect people like me who were badly, badly hurt in the middle of grief and pain. If I sound very strong feelinged on this, it’s because it still feels like yesterday for me thanks to my memory, and I’m very, very angry still. Those people seem to think the only place to find these records are FindAGrave, and if they don’t post them the recores are lost forever, and that’s just not true. Those records will persist outside of FindAGrave, and they need to give family time to do it if they wish.
I’ve been helping a distant cousin with his genealogy, and have been adding and connecting his family members on Find a Grave, once I know where they’re buried. I’ve also added and connected families which are connected to my cousin’s family. I’ve also added memorials, and connected memorials, for my late husband’s family. I’m a genealogist, and do that, to help out other family genealogists.
This is an excellent change! I am a long time Find a Grave member whose spouse passed away in late November. Once the memorial service was over and I had a few minutes of time available, I went to the site to record her passing. I was shocked to find that someone had already entered her memorial based on information from my wife’s obituary in the newspaper. Yes, the memorial is on the site no matter who initially creates it but it hurt me deeply that I wasn’t able to be listed as the creator of the memorial for my own wife!
I am certainly NOT against the volunteers who spend their personal time in a cemetery and create memorials for those buried there. These have been an immense help to me with my families’ genealogy. I just want to have a sufficient amount of time so I am able to create the memorials for the close members of my own family. This change provides that time
Thank you!!!
I had a situation where my 2nd great grandmother’s sister and her husband were buried in the old Rose Hill cemetery in Syracuse. I don’t know if they ever had stones but the cemetery was plowed under in 1960s so none now. I created memorials for them years ago.
Now we discovered that their daughter created a memorial on her own gravestone for her patents (guessing because they had no stones) but in the cemetery where SHE is buried. So now someone comes along and creates memorials for this couple foot the daughters cemetery so there are now two listing for them in different cemeteries. I have checked with the cemetery and the bodies were never moved so they remain in Rose Hill where I have the original records!
Cenotaphs are markers for deceased people: buried elsewhere, lost at sea, incinerated on 9-11, cremated & scattered, etc. memorialize people who lived, were loved, but for some reason have no burial place. One mustn’t “assume” their body is where the cenotaph is, and to look at the data on most of them, you’d never know the person isn’t buried there.
After reading through these comments, some of the changes will be most helpful.
I understand all the changes but wonder why it is not possible to add a flower to a recently created memorial. I could be a friend, though not a relative, and leaving a flower would help the grieving process.
My main gripe about transfers are about the mega-mega-mega managers that have 6 digit memorials that they “manage”. How can they realistically or honestly manage that many? Example: A members has 165,000 memorials in their “account” divided by 365 days = 452 divided by 24 hours = 19 memorials EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY ALL YEAR LONG! Let’s get real! I realize that not every memorial needs editing every day but every one of them does deserve HONEST attention.
Then when you request a transfer or editing of a family member’s memorial, the “manager” ignores you and has their profile blocked “Not accepting messages” so you can not even discuss the issue with them. Thank you Findagrave for giving me a venue to rant.
Larry #47183068
Sounds pretty good to me. I am always asking when people give me info to add if they would like to manage the Memorial. Usually, no. I am getting up there so love to find family that will help. I have added quite a few from old scrap books etc and hope they made someone remember family and enjoy memories.
During the past 12 1/2 years, I have added over 3,000 memorials, many of which were for my ancestors.
While I remain unconvinced that specifying a relationship to each one of my kin, I began the process of Editing, scrolling down, indicating that I was a close relative, and selecting what that relationship was.
And then, much to my surprise, I discovered that you have set a limit on how many links I can identify to my grandparents.
Here is the msg I received:
—————————
Your relationship has not been saved because you have reached the maximum number of allowed grandchildren.
—————————-
I wasn’t done.
Apparently you have failed to consider that everyone physically has MORE grandparents than the limit which you have set.
There was no opportunity to identify whether my relationship was grandson, great grandson, great-great grandson, etc
Hence I find your establishment of the existing limits less than satisfactory.
Back to the drawing board for this new option!
Bill Harrison
I requested the memorial of a great, great aunt. The gentleman that owned it wouldn’t transfer it to me because I wasn’t an immediate relative. He managed approximately 20,000 memorials and he was quite rule in his response. I’m still upset! So I put her in my virtual cemetery. Thank you for doing this! It’s been a long time coming to end grave horders!!
This is a great change. I have complained about this for years as I’ve found people scour obituary pages and create memorials like getting Facebook friends!
I ran into my aunts memorial in findagrave.com 2 days after she died which was clearly taken from her newspaper obit as she hasn’t been buried yet!! Also my recent cousin and his wife.
Would really like to see the related categories extend to the “greats” as others have suggested…ie great grandparents as well.
Happy to see these new changes but agree with several who have said that other relatives need to be added to the list. I have a brother-in-law right now that a woman who created his memorial refuses to transfer to me, even though I have asked her nicely several times. She is one who seems to create a memorial as soon as the obituary is printed in the newspaper and doubt if she has any relationship to most of them.
I manage a cemetery that has quite a few of my close relatives in it. Following the directions from Find a Grave above, I am unable to add my relationship to any of them. Can you give me further guidance?
I am more concerned about the people that post memorials of living people. I would like this to see this forbidden.
In general, FINDAGRAVE is an incredible tool for genealogists but like all things a tweek or two is sometimes needed.
Regards memorials for ‘RECENTLY DECEASED’…
‘Family Genealogist’ is a ‘related’ category that is needed to complete the process, but there are two types, i.e. Family Genealogist-Related and Family Genealogist-Unrelated. I am also in favor of adding more family relationships.
As written, these new policies only apply to new memorials for the ‘recent deceased’, i.e. this policy will not affect the existing, older memorials or the new memorials for the ‘older’ graves..
If I do a ‘recently deceased’ memorial, I always ‘transfer’ to a family member when requested. There is no reason to deny a transfer request by a family member. Your ‘memorial count’ in Find a Grave is not impacted. For one of my memorials (unrelated to me, old or new), I transfer to anyone who provides additional information that appears to be valid, i.e. I have no long term interest in the memorial.
Like many others, I have added several thousand ‘old’ memorials simply because I went to the effort of finding an old cemetery and spent many hours walking the cemetery and adding the memorials and gravemarker photos, often the entire cemetery. For example, I added the entire cemetery at my home church several years ago ( ad did a brief BIO on every burial).
I have found that the African-American cemeteries are often not included and have added several of those in my local county. I have also added several ‘Poor House’ cemeteries which I have discovered. In many cases, the descendents of these African-American families have discovered the burials of their ancestors via Find a Grave.
Another ‘sore ‘ subject for me is ‘UNKNOWN memorials which has several aspects:
#1 – I often find UNKNOWN memorials with no dates, i.e. no birth date and no death date. These memorials should be ‘challenged’ by the Find a Grave software and not accepted. Additionally, I believe a census record (or other) reference should be required to accept an UNKNOWN LOCATION memorial.
#2 – The Find a Grave search engine often cannot find these UNKNOWN memorials. This occurs when ANCESTRY.COM lists the UNKNOWN memorial but the Find a Grave search engine cannot find it.
#3 – A subcategory of UNKNOWN burials are the early ‘family farm’ burials. There should be a label of some sort added for these ‘farm burials’. Census records clearly show that the person/persons were living in a county immediately prior to death and are probably buried on the family farm. Another approach would be to create a ‘Farm Burial’ cemetery for every county, then place these UNKNOWN memorials in this ‘FARM BURIAL’ cemetery.