[Update: Thank you for your comments on this post. We’ve made some updates to memorials for recently deceased folks based on your feedback. Updates include making it a little easier to get to the memorial and adding options to report duplicates, suggest corrections and add the memorial to a virtual cemetery. We’ve also added a few more details to the types of relationships and made those match up better with the information in the help files.]
Over the years, we’ve heard from members about the timing of memorials for people who are recently deceased. The time directly following the loss of a loved one can be challenging and when a family member finds that an unrelated person has created a Find a Grave® memorial for their loved one before the family has had a reasonable time to mourn, it can add to the emotional strain.
We’ve made some changes on the site that we hope will help close relatives, while still supporting the Find a Grave community’s efforts to catalog death and burial information. These changes include:
- Limits on what is shown on memorials for people who have died in the past 3 months.
- An option for memorial creators and managers to indicate their relationship to the person memorialized.
- A simplified process for family members to request management of memorials of people who have died in the past year.
- Other updates to support these changes.
These changes will apply to memorials added after January 11, 2022.
We are also updating our transfer guidelines to include some close relatives that are not in a direct line.
Here are a few examples to provide more details about the changes:
Memorials Managed By a Relative
When you add a new memorial, you’ll be asked, “Are you a close relative?” You can also set your relationship to people in memorials you already manage on the Edit page. If you select “Yes” and choose your relationship, the memorial will look and be displayed like any other memorial on the site.
When adding your relationship, use the checkbox to make your relationship public or private. If you choose to “Show relationship in source information,” your relationship will display next to your profile name at the bottom of the memorial. If you choose to keep your relationship private, nothing will be displayed next to your profile name for other members, but you will see a note that your relationship is private.
In memorials lists, you will also see a green dot (public) or lock (private) to indicate memorials for people you are related to.
Memorials Managed By Someone Who is Not Related
For memorials managed by someone who is not a relative, the manager’s view of the memorial will be just the same as any other memorial they manage. To other viewers, the memorial will display with limited information for three months from the death date. Here is an example of what a memorial for a recently deceased person will look like in a search list (for everyone except the manager):
In addition to limiting the information we display, we have also added a simple way for family members to request to manage the memorial. A close relative can click the “Manage” button, add their relationship, and become the manager of a new memorial for that person. Since the manager is related, the memorial will now display and act as any other memorial on the site.
After three months from the death date, the view of the memorial is no longer limited. The memorial will show as others do except that for up to a year from the death date, the option for a close relative to “Manage” the memorial will show on the memorial.
Adding Your Relationship to Memorials You Manage
Relationship information helps us make decisions about merges, transfer requests and memorials for the recently deceased. You can add your relationship to existing memorials that you manage. To add your relationship, go to the memorial, select “Edit,” scroll down, and choose your relationship. We limit the number of memorials you can manage with certain relationship types to help prevent abuse.
You can find a list of memorials you are related to by hovering over your profile name, selecting “My Memorials” and choosing “Related” from the dropdown menu next to “My Memorials.”
Updates to Transfer Guidelines
Memorials are transferred for relatives with these close relationships: child, spouse/partner, sibling, parent, grandchild, great-grandchild, grandparent, great-grandparent, niece/nephew, great niece/nephew, aunt/uncle, great aunt/uncle, or first cousin. This would include adoptive, step, and in-law versions of these relationships. Please show sensitivity to immediate and extended family members and their requests.
If two members are related within these guidelines and both would like to manage the memorial, the member with the closer relationship should be given management.
Learn more from our Help site here.
We sincerely appreciate all the volunteers and their work in adding memorials to the site everyday. We feel that these changes provide an appropriate balance between allowing memorials to be added for those who are recently deceased and showing sensitivity to their family members.
I mow the rows and create hundreds of memorials. I would like to see a default of “not related” so I don’t have to scroll down and check that new box on every memorial I create. Thanks.
Thank you. Your changes make respectful sense, and just another feature that makes the FindAGrave site what it is.
Webmaster
House of Proctor Genealogy
I am glad you are doing this beause when Betty White died last week in less than a day she had no less than 12 memorials on Find A Grave!
Why do my relatives have a limit? I maxed out my Grandchild option, as I own many of my ggggrandparents.
Hi Theron. I noticed that if the box is left unchecked when you add a memorial it will default to “not related” after you save the memorial. You may need to refresh the memorial to see it.
I agree. Thank you.
These changes are excellent!
I have had a request to transfer a close family member and was turned down with a No. this person was not related and never new my relative. It was all about how many they managed. Very disappointing.
I know how you feel. I had put in a request to have my father transferred to me, and was told NO. This person was not related to me or anyone in my family but he would not transfer him to me.
Great new feature! Most contributors have always made transfers to family members. In fact I have received some memorials of distant relatives because I was one. However, I also had a contributor who did not respond to a request for my great grandmother.
I index Omaha area obits and find people with “no known relatives” occasionally. I think it might be useful to have them posted with as complete info as possible in case there IS a relative somewhere across the world who might be looking for them. Usually the actual obit is fairly minimal for those individuals.
The public display will only be limited for 3 months, then all the information posted will display. If the missing relatives are looking at all, they will still be able to find the memorial.
These changes are welcomed. However, other than my relatives (for which I have uploaded memorials), I have uploaded memorials for classmates and friends WITH THE PERMISSION OF THEIR NEXT OF KIN. Will there be some sort of allowance for that in for future–so that a person known to the family (friend, etc.) WITH THE FAMILY’S PERMISSION can upload the memorial on behalf of a relative…rather than a “stranger” to the family uploading it?
Sometimes I do it for friends who do not know much about the site but want to have their relatives listed.
This is a great addition to the site but for those of us from large families or adoptees with both biological and adoptive family members the low maximum for the relative categories is discouraging.
I agree, my father was one of 13 children, his oldest sister had 18 and another had 12 children. That’s just my dads family. Low maximum for the relative categories doesn’t work with us that have LARGE families.
Families with 13 siblings/Sept siblings just don’t fit your profiles, which family member will be ignored?
I don’t consider myself a hoarder and I have transferred many memorials and been denied many also. That being said, does this mean that I will no longer have a ‘say’ in a memorial being transferred? That anyone can transfer
a memorial I manage to their care if they wish, without contacting myself?
Hi Sharon, we’ve made some changes on the site that we hope will help close relatives, while still supporting the community’s efforts to catalog death and burial information. If a member creates a recently deceased memorial (within 3 months of the death date) and is a close relative the memorial will show as any other memorial on the site. If a member creates a ‘non-related’ memorial that has a death date in the last three months it will show to the manager as normal, but it will show to others with limited information. During this 3 months a close relative can click on Manage, add their relationship, and become the manager of a new memorial for their close relative. If a relative does not click on Manage during this time, then after the 3 months the memorial will display and act like any other memorial on the site. The only difference is that there will be a Manage button on the memorial for up to a year after the death date. During that year, a close relative can click on Manage, add their relationship, and have that memorial transferred automatically.
I am NOT in favor of “automatically” transferring a memorial. I’ve run into several contributors who say they are related and are, in fact. not related or not closely related. That makes it easier for “hoarders” to gather memorials.
What is this mystery #8 manager being referred to?
Find a Grave rules note that duplicate memorials can be merged with the original one.
So can I as a relative be bumped by another relative in managing the memorial?
I have to make my opposition known here. First and foremost, what is your procedure for proof of relationship? I think that’s a very salient issue. Anyone can say they are related and how, but how do you propose to prove this? And I oppose the automatic transfer.
I generally believe that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. I think new management is perhaps trying to do just that.
I like these changes. When my mother passed away someone added a memorial for her within a week that included incorrect information including her maiden name. That was upsetting to me. Thsn you.
But from the way this reads, ANYONE can click those links and claim they are a close relative. How is this verified?
Thank you for doing this! My father died 5/24/2020 and someone completely unrelated to my family created a memorial on 5/27/2020. He wasn’t even buried yet!!!! Thankfully the person transferred it to me.
Please at least let us see new memorials. I created a new one because I believe the other one is in conflict. Also I like to save the findagrave memorial with the obituary and I cannot do that.
I have created memorials with an edited obituary. My father’s obituary was added and as most obituaries do, it included all his living relatives and where they lived…including my information. Find-a-Grave has evolved into assisting many with genealogy connections. Posting names of living relatives is something highly discouraged in genealogy websites. Will Find-a-grave implement a similar policy? I did not write that particular obituary for my father and was not asked how I wanted to be listed. My middle name was used, along with my children’s middle names and where we lived. It’s sensitive information for a single obituary, but to have it all added to Find-A-Grave.
My view is just the opposite of yours — that it is highly presumptuous of some stranger to think they have the right to edit names out of obituaries that the deceased person’s own family decided to include and publish for all to see. In your case, it sounds like you had a problem with a sibling that you yourself needed to resolve instead of expecting someone on this site to intervene.
I agree with you, Gary. If the person(people) don’t want their names out there for “privacy”, then they shouldn’t put their name in the original published obituary. A lawyer told me once that if it’s published (newspaper, funeral home, etc.) then it becomes public knowledge. And I like knowing who spouse(s), siblings, children are since many times one or more of them has re-married after the death of a relative or there were more children than you knew about.
If I happen to be the first to enter a memorial when I have discovered their death and/or burial info, but don’t have close relationship, I fail to see why Find a Grave would choose to not allow the display of information other than name, birth & death date to everyone who views the memorial for 3 months. Do I infer that Obits are no longer acceptable to be posted on memorials? Why not?
I agree with regard to the obituaries being posted. They have so much family information in them and if we have to either stop posting them or blacking out part of the family’s information what good does it to do even post them. I have found so many of my relatives as they were listed in the obits. I would have never found them had I not read the obits.
Can you please tell me what the maximum number you can have for grandchild of and niece/nephew of? I manage the memorials for most of my great aunts/uncles and my grandfather had 15 brothers and sisters. I have other great-aunts and uncles on other branches with the same large Catholic families so I have numerous great aunts and uncles whose memorials I manage.
I am also wondering why there is no check box for great-grandchild or in-laws relationships. If a person manages both their and their spouse’s family memorials, those maximum numbers are going to be reached early on.
Thank you.
I do see the value of this but the above question does point out that there are “distant” relatives” in many directions. I manage many 2nd, 3rd, 4th cousins (and X removed) and will always transfer to a nearer relative. But I also manage some that I’m not remotely related to. I would be nice to add one more box in addition to cousin for “distant” relative just to help others know it does have a family member managing. Or if remotely related do I set “cousin” in the casual usage of that term?
I agreé that there should be a check box for great-grandchild. I had a close relationship with three of my four great-grandparents and the fourth passed soon after I was born. I feel like I am their close relative.
I am in the same position. I manage all the memorials for my family and my husbands large Catholic family. I have also sponsored these memorials. I’m very concerned about this entire situation.
I agree with Lynn’s concerns and ask the same questions. Many of my ancestors were farming families and 10 to 12 (or more) children was not unusual to have when more hands meant getting daily tasks completed much easier.
My mother was #6 of the 12 children of her farming parents. The first 8 were all girls, and every other one helped grampa on the farm. It only eased up somewhat when #9 & 10 were boys.
We active researchers need to be able to link more ancestors that is currently available If Find a Grave actually wants to spend the time to post our links..
Catholic’s allway had large families, the olders one would eather work of the farm ot what ever dad did, one family the dad worked the mines, so the hole family went him the ones that were old enough would work in the mine the women eather cooked the food or helped watch the little ones & it was that way up to the day he died in the mine.
One family the husband was married twice & he had 11 children by the one wife &12 by the other.
also catholic familys will only use Catholic name, & as you know there are only so many so if a child died, the new born got the dead childs names & since so many babies died within the first couple of year it was nown that some times they would not get names, so if you had to lookup a person you needed his name & his date of birth, so you you can see how easy people can mixed up & with the last name like Friedman(nn) & some people assumed we are Jewish people but that was wrong none of my family that I found was ever jewish and in my familytree I found 8,000 people.
Is this going to work like any memorial that is currently managed by #8. That is can anyone just go in and click the manage button and get control of the memorial? Nothing to have to prove that they are related to the person?
Just have to say they’re a cousin and the memorial is theirs.
I create my memorials from grave photos, not obits, not cemetery records. If I photograph a complete cemetery in one visit why should I have to worry that a memorial that I recently created will be just taken from me. There’s a photo of a either a real marker or a temp marker. If a temp marker with just a death year, lets say 2021 and now it’s Jan 2020, why shouldn’t I create it with a death date of June 2021 and not have to worry about it?
This unthought out policy can lead to abuses from many different directions. Instead of this, why not stop the folks creating burial unknowns from recent obits? That’s the real problem. And they are serial abusers.
I disagree, Jack. I think the “real abusers” are people who claim ownership of an online memorial for someone they have no connection aside from having taken a photo, and then refuse to transfer it because “it’s theirs” (what a weird thing to claim) – OR- they create memorials online for extremely recent deaths, when that’s something a close family had planned to and wanted to do, only to get on and find someone already had, and had made it public. I wish there were more general courtesy so people wouldn’t feel the need to the “the first” to jump on creating a memorial like it’s a badge of honor, and then cling to management of them as though it’s a neat collection and not a deeply personal memorial for actual people that their family would like to have *meaningful* (not some weird internet obsession) connection with. Those two types of people necessitate these rules: the “I wanna be the first!” and the collectors who won’t release them because they think it’s “theirs”. Both are so bizarre and distasteful. I was shocked when I learned how many families are hurt by people who act like that.
Beautifully said! A friend of mine was terrible upset when a memorial was made for her father before he had even been buried and the entire obituary was copied from the local newspaper and added in the bio. She tried in vain to get the memorial removed or at least transferred to her. Hopefully the new guidelines will help prevent this abuse, although unfortunately there is nothing stopping someone from claiming they are a relative even if they aren’t when they create the memorial!
Our son was a deputy sheriff and died in the line of duty Feb 2020. It took me a couple of months before I got the strength to register him in Find aGrave. It was very upsetting to find somebody had already rushed in and “taken” my son away from me again. I was able to write and get management of his page, but I am having a difficult time changing out the photos put in before. How can I remove and replace some of the photos? Thanks
Bravo, I agree completely. Why should these collectors, have their name on the memorial at all even after the transfer is what I would like to know. I bury my mother on Monday, go Tuesday to make the memorial and some obituary reader has branded their name on her memorial whether they transfer it to me or not. Now others wonder who this original person is when they view the memorial. I believe for a family member comes forward that first year , The original name should be deleted. The articles I read from the administration didn’t specifically address this. Thank you to the administration for realizing that this is been a long time problem. I have had people add memorials for my close family who purchased preneed markers and mausoleum plates. I would write to them and tell them that these people were not dead and get no response. I had to get the administration involved. They did delete the memorials. I think the previous comment said it best about these collectors. It’s just weird and that it some type off badge of honor.
I couldn’t have said that any better, Polly Anna.
I tend to agree with you. My whole purpose in creating memorials is to honor veterans who
pass in my locale. And, since I live in an area with a large military retiree population, that means I’m creating a lot of memorials. i’m related to none of them. I couldn’t care less about the number of memorials I “have”. I gladly transfer them to family members whenever asked. This whole idea of “memorial-hoarding” seems rather sick, to me. That said; with the new rules, I won’t be creating any more memorials for non-relatives unless they’re VERY close friends.
I agree with what Jack said about the ones made from Obits! Someone made a burial from the obit of my bonus Mom (she hated being called a stepmother) Person left off the cemetery. I asked them to update it and she didn’t seam happy with me. Told me that it was not in the paper, it was. I felt like she was in a rush to add to her numbers and didn’t really care about the memorial. I really want control of the memorial but didn’t even ask because I’m pretty sure I’d get told no and that would hurt to much.
I’ve never been asked to transfer a memorial myself so I don’t know how that feels. I have posted Memorials from a couple cemeteries, photos excluded. But mine have all been much older deaths.
I totally agree Polly Anna. This happened to me several times and the person who put up my families memorial then would not transfer it to me. VERY RUDE!
Polly Anna, I completely agree with you. My brother passed away in the end of November. I just now logged in to add a memorial for him and found that someone, unrelated, had already done it. I found this very disturbing.
I had this happen to me with my wife who passed 4/20/20. Someone searching obits in KY added it. They did give it to me but I was awful upset when I saw it. Plus I manage some graves of up to 3rd Great Grandparents. Can they be taken.
Yes I’ve found people use the obituary pages like collecting Facebook friends! I’ve found relatives memorials made from the paper before their actually buried and family had a chance!
Hello Polly Anna! Yes, I’ve been a victim of this memorial hogging. My brother died in 2015 and it was over a year or more until I felt like creating his memorial on here. I included photos of him, details of his life, etc. Then a few days later, Find A Grave deleted my memorial because some unknown person had already created one right after he died! I looked at it and it’s the one that was in the local paper. The person who made it didn’t know my brother at all and he has his profile set so you cannot message him. I’ve found out that there are a lot of people who do this, they comb the obituaries daily and then rush on here to add memorials for strangers, taking away the chance for family members to add their own. This has always angered me about this site. So unfair.
Beautifully said. I know it kind of freaked me out when after my mom died, there was already a memorial there. They transferred it to me, but I don’t understand the rush.
This happened to me in 2015 when my sister passed. I took the obituary I wrote to the funeral home and they posted it on their website before I got home. I got on Find a Grave to create a memorial for her and it was already there, along with the obituary I just submitted to the funeral home. I sent the contributor several messages with no response. I then contacted Find a Grave who eventually took over the memorial. Her final resting place is still not on her memorial. It would be there if her family member would have had the chance to create it or at least manage it.
I have a number of memorials listed here. But one cemetery in particular is the Baisden cemetery in Whitman West Virginia. This cemetery is a very old family cemetery on the side of the hill that no one ever visited and many of the graves have no markers at all. My stepdad and his family are buried there and yes there are many strangers to me that are very there also. Some of these strangers were very dear because they have no family to claim them or no place to bury them and so the base and family opened their hearts and their land to some of these people. One of those families was Workmans. For every single memorial that I have ever listed was lot because I wanna ownership of it not because I wanted other family members that were searching to find them. I have never refused to transfer ownership when requested. My entire family is what I would call fractured. I did not know my biological father and my mother was buried in Mingo county West Virginia. Every single memorial was a heartfelt effort to help others find a family. That’s how I found my biological father‘s family through such efforts. Just because it was my stepdad and his family does not mean he was not my daddy and that I wanted to honor and every single person that I have ever posted information for.
This is EXACTLY my situation. My grandfather passed away almost 2 weeks ago. After his funeral I had planned to create a Find A Grave Memorial for him. I am the only person in my family that creates and manages memorials for my family members, so I manage my grandmother’s, Uncles, and my son’s memorials. I went to create his memorial only to find out that one had already been created and it was created the day the funeral home had posted his funeral notice online, just 2 days after his death and his service wasn’t until a week later. This was done before these new changes, so I had to request the memorial be transferred to me the old way and the person who created the memorial STILL has not responded to my request. I am extremely irritated that me, a close relative who he is required to transfer the memorial to, is ignoring my requests. It’s cruel and inconsiderate. I am almost ready to contact Find A Grave support and have them transfer his memorial to me.
Why are you waiting, Katie? It’s my experience with ppl who haven’t honored a valid transfer request after a reasonable amount of time will never do so voluntarily. Contact Find a Grave Support ASAP!
Polly Anna
I am sorry your are so unhappy. If your are a direct relative & the owner of the memorial is not a closer relative than you & will not transfer the memorial to you You can ask Fidagrave to transfer the memorial to you but after you have the memorial you must follow all findagrave rules or the memorial will be given back to the previous owner and you will have everyone contacting you to change your information. As for the picture of the headstone unless you can show that is really bad the only thing you can do is ask the current picture holder to go out and take another picture & tell them how you want it. His picture he has copyright over it. so if he refuses to re take it ask him if he is willing to delete his picture after you add yours if he delets his first anyone is free to add there picture.. Finagrave.com has alway been first come basses as to the menoriala up to know with this new change I am not sure. good luck Dennis
Polly Anna I agree with you to many people want just to collect names or should I say numbers they are not interested in the memorial of that person or the living family of that person. I have a cousin that passed when his wife bought the plot and stone she had her name and her Date of birth engraved on the stone she is very much alive. I requested a photo of the stone in 2011 he passed in 1992 the photo request was fulfilled in 2011, some Find a Grave member decided to take a photo of the stone in 2021 add it to my memorial I created for my cousin and created a memorial of his wife just because her name was engraved on the stone. By the way the find a grave member has 25692 memorials that he added and 25588 he manages 20588 photos added. I had to send Find A Grave a request ask that his memorials be deleted happy to say they honored my request. To many people just collecting names must be a game to them.
I don’t know how you handle your photos but I have complained repeatedly about some on Find a Grave who have 50,000 or more photos. They send me thing wanting changes but they have their notifications turned off. Plus I’m more distant relation than the choices but at least I am blood. Have done Family research for over 20 years, many the old fashion way.
Jack, your dates make no sense, nor does your logic.
“ If a temp marker with just a death year, lets say 2021 and now it’s Jan 2020, why shouldn’t I create it with a death date of June 2021 and not have to worry about it?”
Temp marker 2021: and now it’s Jan 2020 (the year before said temp marker) and why shouldn’t you create it with death date of June 2021? Why…because it’s wrong not to deal with FACTS! People with that logic shouldn’t be twisting the FACTS to do what’s suits their agenda is all kinds of wrong. Contrary to what some might believe, Find-A-Grave does not revolve around any one individual. It revolves around the deceased, who have gone before us, no matter how good or bad they were while on earth. They were people just like the rest of us, and not just a number and some people need to treat them with respect and honor, because everyone deserves it.
I agree. I’m a preacher, and I believe that God loves ALL his children, and we must find the good in anyone. Some facts are unseemly, and some are less than wonderful, but if they are facts and can be told with kindness then they can be told. I think one of those is, “sadly, he took his own life.” That’s history that might be helpful to family a few generations hence. But, as best we can, let’s get the fact right and respectfully told. Am I making sense here? I hope so.
I agree mostly with Jack’s observations, short of stopping people from creating unknown burials from recent obits. That would still serve to make info available to someone looking for it.
I can clearly see a typo in his proposal for a 2021 temp marker. If you will correct his entry of “Jan 2020” to read “Jan 2022”, it all makes sense.
I don’t agree with posting incorrect info, but I can do that without attacking anyone.
We don’t need your lectures.
Considering I had someone post a memorial literally a week or so after he died for my father who died 2 years ago on Monday (we hadn’t even had the church service yet, because he was being cremated, let alone had buried his ashes), based solely on his obituary, I happen to agree with this new policy. I was going to make the memorial myself, though I was planning to wait til after we’d buried him. What that person did was just plain tacky and they weren’t related to us in any way. I will say that they did transfer the memorial to me as soon as I emailed them, but still, why on earth would you do that in the first place?
Your error is in thinking that the memorial is yours in the first place. You are merely documenting what already exists.
So you are saying everyone that does research that their research is not theirs. Wrong.
“Your” memorials? Those people don’t belong to you. Their gravesite doesn’t belong to you. The cemetary doesn’t belong to you. And their memory isn’t yours. Leave it to the family itself if there’s a conflict. And I agree with Polly Anna, the real abusers are the ones that deny the actual family connections, just because they “took a photo.” I can do that, too. Anyone can. Just because it was you doesn’t give you any special privilege or rights over someone’s memory over their family. These changes are something that SHOULD HAVE been done 10 years ago.
I had to struggle for years to get control of my paternal grandfather’s, yes, GRANDFATHER, not a great- or an uncle or a cousin, my GRANDFATHER’s memorial from some random stranger who never ever replied and my last name is the same as his, and this rando has thousand of memorials to their account. And Findagrave was really, really slow, it took them SEVEN YEARS and multiple appeals before I got the transfer, finally granting it to me in January 2020 iirc. My father’s interned in the same cemetary, and someone had posted a photo they took. I actually appreciated it then, but the photographer also didn’t try to claim my father as his memorial. Taking photos is something nice you do FOR THE FAMILY and the deceased. You do NOT claim ownership of the memorial because of it. These are real people with real connections that still exist.
Jack, are you saying that you would resent seeing a son or daughter or other close relative of the decedent taking over one of your memorials even though you’re not related at all? If so, why? You would still be listed as the creator of it and the person who supplied the photo of the marker.
To Jack Straw,
You said, “…why should I have to worry that a memorial that I recently created will be just taken from me.”
Why does it matter?
It’s not about having the most memorials. And you would still be listed as the creator, so why worry about it if you are not a relative?
Exactly. I find it really distressing after a time has passed to go in to create a memorial for a loved one, to find that some overzealous grave hawk has created a basic memorial with no real clue as to who that person really was, or to simply list a newspaper obit and “claim” that memorial as “theirs”.
It’s not a contest nor should it be. This practice is morbid and it should be stopped. Hopefully these changes will help.
I don’t believe you are still listed as the creator under the news process. The person who takes the memorial is listed as the creator and also has the ability to delete them memorial.
I agree with you on the obits 100 percent. What I want to know is about the lock does this mean that if someone puts a lock on it (private) that the rest of us can no longer see the information on the memorial?
I was told by one findagrave person that he used his gas and time to create his memorials and that he would not transfer my fatherinlaw. The findagrave site finally did it for me. It’s about numbers for some people not about sharing the information to families.
I wish Find A Grave would do something about people pulling memorials of non-relatives from Find A Grave just to increase their memorial numbers. I have created a few thousand memorials and transferred all but a small collection to Find A Grave #8 to manage. When I go back to look at some of the memorials I have transferred, I find that these “mega-managers” (for lack of a better description) have pulled my memorials to their collection for management. If they were relatives or direct descendants, I would not have a problem with this.
As for posting obits in the bios, I find that it helps to have them in the memorials, especially when linking the deceased person’s relatives to their memorials. Since Find a Grave is also owned by Ancestry, and Ancestry Family Tree pulls and distributes information from Find A Grave to assist people with building their family trees, I see no reason why this would not be helpful information to genealogists at all levels. This information is published and available to the public in an online obituary from a funeral home and in newspapers, so why has this suddenly become such a problem for Find A Grave? The only problem I see so far is, that by publishing obits to bios on Find a Grave memorials deprives Ancestry of subscriptions to US Newspapers archives of obituaries, which by the way, should be included in the $189.95/yr I pay to Ancestry for my subscription to the Family Tree website.
Just my two cents.
Keep the posted obituaries!! That is an important service that you provide!
I agree obituarys help so much in relation & history for family friends need be used much as can
Scott, as original creations, obituaries are protected by copyright. The authors have the sole right to choose where the obituary is published, such as the funeral home website and specific newspapers. Republishing without permission is a violation of the creator’s intellectual property rights.
When someone adds an original photo* to Find A Grave, per the Terms of Service, they have agreed that their photo *can* be republished on any Ancestry-owned website.
Unless an obituary is added to Find A Grave by the author, they made no such agreement.
(* assuming, of course, the photo was the creation of the person adding it to Find A Grave. If it was not their creation, they need to have permission from the photographer. If they do not have permission, they shouldn’t add it to Find A Grave, per the Terms of Service.)
Scott….thank you for all your contributions. I have one exception concerning posting obituaries. They almost all list living relatives, which is a cardinal rule NOT to do on just about any genealogy site. I think Ancestry was the one to create that rule. Since they do own Find-A-Grave, it would seem to follow that obituaries should be edited on Find-A-Grave to not include the name of living kin. I personally do that when I create a memorial. I just change the wording to list surviving family like “John Doe is survived by his loving wife, four children and many grand and great grand children.” Everything that else that is written is left as is, unless I know it to be an error or other information that is too personal for perpetuity.
Copying obits has always been frowned on. I just had to delete three from my niece and her two sons that died in a wreck in November. I created memorials, then someone duplicated them and had theirs merged with mine, effectively allowing them to add whatever they wanted. The problem is that (1) the obituaries we’re far too detailed, releasing information about living people who were not happy about it, and (2) we later found out the significant other caused the wreck while intoxicated and he is in trial, so my brother doesn’t want to see anything with his name in it. Finally, they pulled a random picture off her social media and added it. The picture had their killer in it and I can’t delete it.
Wow. My brother was killed in 94 and it was deliberate. If I had to see the killer’s “face” online in a random photo some random on the net pulled off a profile on his memorial, I don’t know what I’d do. Probably get lawyers involved. I know the second I got control of my close relatives I replaced all the surviving family’s names with “Living”.
I think, Findagrave should give relatives the ability to “lock down” a memorial from changes from outsiders. I have things I’ve wanted to do only to have some random person get to it first and think they’re doing a “service” only to deprive me of something important to me, and likewise I can’t delete those photos they placed on a memorial I maintain. I’m really sorry that’s happened.
What I have seen in my town, Are those that label death unknown, and the person is very much alive. I found one lady that has 2 profiles, she might have many more, There are too many out there that just want the huge numbers, then they do not do anything with a profile, as far as updates go. They rack up high numbers. and that is very sad.
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There really is no quality control on Find a Grave. Anyone can post anything they want, No one to verify, but I know with the large number, that could be impossibility. But listing someone as dead when they have a name and birth date only on the tombstone its really stupid, and so wrong, But it enforces all they want are numbers. I have reported it to Find a Grave and they basically ignore it, something about a living memorial. No, when a person is listed as dead, and they are not, is false information. No quality control.
I “Gather” memorials of 3 or 4 surnames and their spouses. I don’t know that every one is related, but a fair portion are. So, by your definition, I’m a gatherer. But, I am working the family tree and regularly add some of those “unrelated” memorials as I find the proof. Till then, my thought is that they are best in the hands of someone who’s at least working that name.
I like that we can add how we are related and make it private or public. Is it possible to have a selection for those we are related to but may be a 3rd great grandparent, etc. An option may be listed as distant direct line. It won’t change the rules of transferring but it would be nice to have the option of saying the owner of the memorial is actually related.
Agree with Sandy Jeffrey. It would be nice to have a distant direct line option. As a caretaker of a ‘family’ cemetery, my husband and I are related to 95% of those buried there. I do feel a personal attachment to them as I have visited their places of rest numerous times and as I am also a genealogist they are familiar to me. I don’t mind transferring management to others with closer ties than myself but at least have the courtesy to let me know.
you could put your relationship in the bio.
I concur!
I’d like to see that (direct line ancestors up to say 4th generations) as an option too.
Four generations would be a good addition and being able to ID what generation they are in would be even nicer. e.g. grand, great grand, great great (2g) grand, 3g grand, etc.
I would like it so say how ever many generations it goes back, should be in line. 4 is not that really that long ago. It ought to be “in line realted”,
I agree with Sandy with one addition. For a grandparent or great, a box to check Mother’s Side or Father’s Side would be helpful to give members an idea of which side in case the Creator or Manager is an heretofore unknown relative who doesn’t appear as an Ancestry DNA match bc they haven’t tested. Ancestry has added a “Which Side?” box to matches. Why not here too?
Especially for individuals who, due to birth year, would no longer have living “close” relatives as defined by Find a Grave. An obvious example would be someone born in 1800, who realistically couldn’t have any still-living grandchildren (the ‘furthest’ close relationship allowed by Find a Grave for management transfer). In those cases, it still seems reasonable and the right thing to do, to allow an actual relative to be able to take over management even if a current non-relative manager declines a transfer request.
I wholeheartedly concur. We genealogists typically spend a lot of time researching and analyzing the lives of more distant ancestors than grandparents and, consequently, feel close ties with them. Having a “direct descendant” option that would give precedence over a non-relative would be nice. But probably anything beyond “great-grand” in the closeness of the ancestor should be irrelevant as to who should have management of the memorial. In other words, if a 3rd great-grandchild created or manages a memorial, a 2nd great-grandchild shouldn’t claim any right to take over the management. But common sense should tell us that if we’re already 90 years old, it would be good to pass along management of a memorial to a younger, more distant descendant so that it will stay in the hands of a family member after we pass on.
“Who realistically couldn’t have any still living grandchildren.”
“(KGTV) — A tweet getting a lot of shares claims John Tyler, America’s 10th president who was born in 1790, has a living grandson.
It’s true.” -Google for the full article
I was surprised too, but it seems the grandson is like me, born very late in his parent’s life.
I’d be careful with limiting how far back grandparents can be born compared to a living grandchild because “realistically” these things happen a lot more often than you might think, though. And I have gotten multiple warnings and other nonsense from genalogical programs for the opposite issue, claiming that X birth couldn’t have happened for Y mother because she was 14 (well, she was, she married that young.) My paternal grandparents were born in 1890s and I was born in mid 1980s. People’s kneejerk reaction is to say “you couldn’t be” but uh, late children happen. My family tends to have children later in life, and second marriages even later.
Who, How, When is the relative status of the claimant to be verified or confirmed? Can anyone just click the button and and get management of a memorial with no substantiation? I don’t see how that solves anything ……
Me neither. Not a well thought out policy IMHO.
I have not found a button that lets one take Management of a Memorial. There is a button to transfer Management of a Memorial. Perhaps if there were a button to Assume Management of a Memorial, one would get some response from the Memorial “Created by:.” If you have 35,000+ Memorials, you do not have time to Manage individual Memorials.
I disagree. I have 16,000 memorials. I manage edits from other contributors, no problem. I target a 48-hour turnaround on all of the edits people send me.
If you update your memorials with biographical information and family linkages when you create them, as I do, there is not much management later. Of course we are all human and make mistakes, which suggested edits correct.
To have a button to assume ownership is opening an entirely new can of worms. What then is to prevent some acquisitive person from just harvesting names that they’ve had absolutely NOTHING to do with the creation of or any relation to? Let’s face it, some people have the tact of a mongoose (if mongeese have any tact at all). Some suggestions would only work if everyone shared the same sense of fair play. A 3 month cool-off period should give people a time to mourn without feeling the need to rush to establish an on-line memorial. At the same time, I’m grateful to findagrave because I’ve found some extended family on my maternal grandfather’s family that I’d have not found for a lot longer as I’d have had to wait for the 1950 census to be released this year. They mean a lot to me, though I never met them. Maybe part of it goes back to the fact that my mother died before I was a year old so didn’t meet many of her extended family growing up.
After finding a post by The Legal Genealogist and reading the many comments on there, I have to say
I am rethinking things. I did not realize there was such a large discussion and problem with Find a Grave memorials
and management. I will try to be more considerate of others and more knowledgeable about Find a Grave rules.
Always felt that I was doing a service to others by posting memorials when they appeared but seems not so much. In response to Scott Jones I have never received memorials from anyone that I have not tried to maintain and not just for a ‘number’. The majority of my memorials are related and if not, they are free to be transferred to anyone wanting them. Hope all these changes help make things better.
I waited until my last husband was buried and went to create a memorial that evening only to discover that someone else had done it before there was even a grave to list based on an obituary. It was a sucker punch. I’m happy yo see it’s being addressed.
I think it would be in order to add one more “related” category: The family’s genealogist. He/She may or may not actually related, but adds vital data. I sometimes enter data for close friends of mine, ones who are not able to do it themselves. I am so grateful for Findagrave. It is a great help for my family’s genealogy hobby.
Good idea J. Keith!
I am a family genealogist and have currently collected and recorded info on over 5,XXX names in my mother’s family. In addition to her direct ancestors, I also have much info on the descendants of the earliest currently identified ancestor.
However, I don’t really see a need to identify my link to each and every one of them whose memorials I have been able to post.
in your post “close relationships: child, spouse/partner, sibling, parent, grandchild, great-grandchild, grandparent, great-grandparent, niece/nephew, great niece/nephew, aunt/uncle, great aunt/uncle, or first cousin. This would include adoptive, step, and in-law versions of these relationships.” Some of these relationships are not listed – such as the great-grandchild, great aunt/uncle etc. Please consider adding these please. It would be really nice if they could go out a couple more generations. I knew my great grandmother and do not want to show it as “not related”
I agree an lot times the grand kids are the only ones left to know an care even great grand kids as not everyone in family’s are left or manage the memory’s an geneology
Yes, we need more relationships identified. I had started through my DIRECT ancestors which I had posed memorial for and was informed that I had reached the maximum # I could link. I wasn’t done, and I had not even begun to see if I could ID links to aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, children or grandchildren. Yes I have posted memorials for many in those categories.
So, for now, I am not going to spend any more time adding the link info, while waiting to se if Find a Grave defines and updates their limits.
As previously stated by me AND several others, I agree with needing more identified relationships.
Me too. Until recently, I was unaware “Anonymous” is a valid username. What imbecile ever thought this was a good idea!
maybe I’m missing something but wouldn’t your great-grandmother be included under the great-grandparent category listed in the quotes?
I’m adopted but am in close contact with my birth family. Hence, I have 2 sets of parents, 4 sets of grandparents, and so on. I am currently allowed to choose only one set of parents, 2 sets of grandparents, etc. I do not wish to ignore either my adoptive or birth family members. Will there be an allowance for this situation?
Yes Kay, I’m in the same situation with adopted parents & biological parents (all deceased and on Find-a-Grave). Used the Ancestry DNA test in 2014 and my half-sibling also submitted a DNA test the SAME month. I had a large biological family, many who have already passed and are on Find-a-Grave. Since I was raised as an only child, I stay in contact with my biological siblings. Good question IF allowances will be made for these type situations.
What about the inlaws? A lot of us take of husband’s parents, siblings, grandparents and cousins. How do we convey we are family by marriage?
When Find a Grave was created it was a great avenue for being able to see the memorial of a loved one from far away without having to visit the actual burial location. I’ve had many people comment that they were so thankful that I took the time to upload the information and provide photos of the grave. They are often surprised that even though I’m not related to the person memorialized that I would take the time to do so.
Personally I don’t care who manages any particular memorial because after I’m gone someone else will need to take mine over anyway. I appreciate when others are on top of the announcement of a death and have it online promptly. If I want to be “first” I try to have the memorial created before the announcement is public. If after the memorial is created someone wants me to transfer it I will do so. It is true that there is occasionally no response from a current manager but I’ve always found that the memorial is transferred or updated by admin.
We family genealogists are very dedicated to preserving the memory of friends and love ones. If it weren’t for people like us Find a Grave wouldn’t be as resourceful as it has become. These rule changes are fine but I do not see why someone needs to get bent out of shape just because someone used public information to create a memorial. If you start putting rules in place to control who can do what then you begin to ruin the spirit of what makes Find a Grave so great.
What’s Find a Grave #8?
I needed to view a memorial today. Yes, I am a cousin; no, I didn’t want ownership, only to view it. Now I am the owner. I would love to give it back but I don’t know who made it.
I like this change very much. I have rarely been ask to transfer a memorial, but how does a “transferee” prove they are related?
Thank you for this change to new memorials. One was created for my father before he was even buried.
I infer that prove is not required, but personal integrity is the ruling assumption. I think that is okay. Find a Grave surely could not take the time or resources to check for proofs.
True, but what will these rules mean, if every newly created memorial is created by a Find a Grave hoarder with the “I’m related” checked off and some fictitious relationship selected? These new changes mean nothing without checking and enforcement.
Right so why make a fuss over it with everything there are problems an sometime can create more problems with more rules .
It is explained quite clearly by Find a Grave that ANYONE can “claim” one of the acceptable relationships and be AUTOMATICALLY transferred. I fully disagree with that option.
It is already possible for anyone/everyone to contact a memorial’s manager, identify themselves & their relationship or reason, and politely request a transfer.
Oh is it? I did EXACTLY that. I politely requested access for a memorial of a close relative. It took from 2013 to Jan 2020 for me to get access to my GRANDFATHER’S memorial from a dead “super admin” (account has thousands of added memorials) account who never responded, and many appeals to Findagrave’s admins who also didn’t respond for years until finally, miraculously, they did. I’m really glad they finally fixed it.
I totally agree with you. Also, there are a lot of people out there that when you go to ask them politely to transfer a Memorial, it says they are not accepting e-mails. WHY? Are they just grabbing people and making Memorials and then they won’t allow anyone to contact them. They shouldn’t be on Find A Grave if they don’t want to be contacted for any reason. I have had to write directly to the board in order to get a transfer completed so many times. There are also people that you can contact but you never hear from them and if you do and they disagree, they just tell you very rudlely: NO, I am not transferring this account to you. No explanation, no nothing and most times, they are not even related.
I agree that you should not be allowed to block messages. A person has to try to “find” a memorial the “blocker” has created to get a message to them. Very frustrating.
I also totally agree on this. If you are going to manage your ancestors/relatives Memorials and even others, then why are you not taking e-mails. The idea is to be able to contact the person currently in charge of the Memorial for either corrections, questions or asking for a transfer. Then you get someone that has blocked you from contacting them Why are they even on Find a Grave or a manager if they are not going to manage and take responsibility for the Memorials they hold. I personally believe these might be some of the so-called hoarders who only load up their Memorials but have no intention of ever maintaining them. If you are going to be on this site, then you should be available and you should answer within a very short period of time instead of blocking people from tying to get in touch with you. That is not maintaining at all.
My thought exactly! You could never walk into a bank and withdraw money from an account without presenting proof you’re entitled to do so, so why is it so different on Find a Grave? Being able to take any memorial you choose is not a lot different than financial Identity Theft, and by all I’ve read so far is creating the same level of outrage.
I agree that 2 more categories should be created, specifically not related and genealogist.
I cannot thank you enough for this change. My aunt died a few years ago and I asked for her memorial. The person who added it has thousands of memorials added and is clearly one of those people who just ads from the obituaries. They refused the transfer. I was heartbroken. She was my aunt but to them her obituary was just a number to add to their count. I never understood what that person got from their tally of graves added to the site that was so important that the loss of one would hurt them more than my grief over my aunt hurt me.
And when my mom passed I was hurt and angry that someone else had added her entry and spelled her name wrong. They immediately turned it over to me, though.
For the most part, this is a welcome change. When one of my parents died, someone created the memorial from a published obituary. A few weeks later I was ready to create the memorial myself and discovered someone else (not a family member) had done it. This person had a very large number of memorials (many thousands, which I consider to be a hoarder or trophy seeker), and they had contact information turned off. I finally figured out I could use “edit” and suggest an “other” edit to request a memorial transfer. They would not transfer, but said to create my own memorial and they would delete theirs. The new immediate transfer feature for recent deaths would help in cases like this, but I would also be concerned if I created a memorial for a family member and someone was able to just take it. The only memorials I create or own are for family members, through perhaps 2-3 generations. It would be helpful if the relationship list was extended to include at least the great-great level.
There also needs to be a better way to handle transfer requests when the memorial creator is no longer active, as evidenced by requesting a transfer and then never hearing from them. I have 2 memorials I requested (I am a family member, they clearly state in their bio that they create memorials after photographing cemeteries). It has been many months over 6 months) and I have yet to hear anything. Edits are added via “auto edit” after some period of time, and something to handle transfers needs to be added as well.
You’re going to have to pester Findagrave admins to get control of those memorials at the moment. I had to do that for my grandfathers memorial. I started in 2013 and didn’t get it until January 2020.
I stopped using findagrave because some hoarder wouldn’t transfer my mother to me.
WOW! This change is really complex — possibly too convoluted… That being said, the COUNTLESS times that l have asked if a manager is related to the deceased is huge. That question may now be moot. However, my suggestion in all of this over-the-top management is to also allow, and INCLUDE by statement, the SPOUSE of relatives. Many times, it is a spouse that manages a relie’s memorial.
On another point… Those who l have called “grave stompers”, HAVE, on occasion, beat me to the posting of a newly deceased relative. Pretty much each time, however, people willingly transfer upon request. That kindness is appreciated.
Finally, a sore point has been one anonymous individual who for YEARS would not respond to my queries/requests. The maddening part was that this unresponsiveness prevented me from connecting memorials from my great gpa to my 2x ggpa. Oddly, after complaing to another very distant/circuitous relie, my many requests were honored — after like forever messaging the memorial manager who, fie all that l knew, could have himself been deceased.
In conclusion, all is “said and done” with the new regulations already in stone. Ergo, TBD… As my dear old mother would say, “Nothing is constant but change…”
I am a little confused with regard to the statement: “We limit the number of memorials you can manage with certain relationship types to help prevent abuse.” What is the limit (number of memorials) you can manage with certain relationships and what are those relationships”.? I was not aware that there was ever a certain number of memorials that you could or could not manage depending on the relationship. Could someone please explain this to me?. Thanks so much
I’ve entered over 16000 memorials in about 14 years (not a record by any stretch of the imagination), both by photographing cemeteries (over 25) and by newspaper/funeral home obituaries; I’ve noticed in our area that most memorials are entered by the few very active volunteers that are not related; and those few volunteers out of the thousands of memorials they’ve done have readily transferred when requested. The only real change I see in the outcome of all this is to discourage the use of unrelated memorials and if that’s the case a lot of (1,000’s) of memorials would not be created. When I’m out and about just about all the strangers I talk to don’t even know about FindAGrave and are not even interested in genealogy. In the some 14 years I’ve been on FindAGrave I’ve only had a couple of people respond for privacy purposes because they were attorneys or in law enforcement and I readily deleted requested memorials.
Other than the exposure of our relationships and the 90 day/1 year limits, I really see no change to all of this in the long run. While I’m still operating pretty much as normal, I may decide sometime in the next few months to just stick to family updates only and forget the rest (a loss of 1,000s of memorials over time at my recent production rate). Along with several posters, I’m doing and consider both my family and wife’s family “mine” and she has a large family compared to my smaller; I don’t know what the limit is but I could max out on her side.
There must be something the admins are seeing that I haven’t in some 14 years.
I think it’s awful when a grave is posted for someone who is alive and well! I have an elderly aunt and uncle who bought their grave markers years ago, and the cemetery insisted on placing the markers since they ran out of storage space. I’m happy they don’t get on the computer and Find A Grave to see their graves.
I wish you would address the issue of multiple photos of gravestones being posted on one memorial. Heck one of my memorials has 3 gravestones photos. Now don’t say that its ok because one photo may be clearer than another. That isn’t the case at all. Its really just strange that people continue to upload duplicate photos. I would really like control of what is posted on my memorial pages.
I agree with Sandy Jeffrey. I would like to identify my great-grandmother whom I knew personally. I took great trouble in putting in her entry and I would like to be able to communicate with anyone who feels they are also her great grandchild without the entry being just re-assigned without my knowledge.
I think I agree with most of these changes, but much of my agreement would not necessarily aligned with the rationale given here by Find A Grave. I do not think there should be any limits on the number of memorials based on relationships. As has been stated by others here, there are circumstances where relatives could outnumber any arbitrary limits set by Find A Grave. I don’t think Find A Grave wants to spend a lot of time figuring out those circumstances and not have a limit is the only common sense way to avoid that. My last thought concerns the obituaries. Posting obituaries that have already been made public by publishing elsewhere does not seem like a problem for families. They have already dealt with any issues with the funeral directors they have given information to for publication, either print or electronic. Their previous publication of all of that information pretty well indicates that they have no expectation of privacy on what has been “revealed” in the obituary. If a family includes information that a particular family member objects to, that is a family issue that Find A Grave and volunteers here should not be saddled with. Today, nearly every funeral director has a website obituary for their deceased and it is public when they put it up. There is absolutely no reason that it cannot be republished in a Find A Grave memorial as soon as it is added by a volunteer.
This is a point I agree on. Limits like this are going to make those familes who had like 20 children through two wives a pain in the horse’s end, and that’s not just a “on the prairie farm” type thing. I knew a family who had 13 children while growing up. Limits in similar vein are also why I can’t list my full name on many official government documents because many forms have a ridiculously small number of characters allowed. I really feel for the people who were born in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch(that’s not a key smash, that’s actually the city’s name) who move to the States.
once the grave is managed by a family member the specific member is negotiable within the family and can be transfered to a sibling or other close relative, through negotiation with the other interested close relatives ……
Why is there a limit on grandparents I have added most of mine all the way back to 7th great grandparent and I just got told I had reached the limit of grandparents
I don’t agree that anyone can just take ownership of a memorial my saying they are a relatives. Anyone can say that someone is a cousin, aunt or uncle or etc. and it not be true.
How is that any worse than some complete stranger making the memorial and then only be there for the numbers be the maintainer? If someone comes along saying that they’re related maybe they have a reason such as knowing the person and knowing they don’t have any other relatives or people who care.
If I have any memorials that a family member may want all they have to do is contact me and I will transfer it to them.
Thank you for these changes. Respect for others is needed throughout society, and when it involves loss, it should far outweigh the seemingly “need” for some to post the most – so to speak. Hopefully, these changes will also help prevent the duplication sometimes found. I can only imagine the work it must take to manage Find-A-Grave. When I first began, there were about 33 million memorials, and now over 190 million. As Mr. Tipton once had in his “about” – findagrave took on a life of its own.
Thank you for guiding us to respectful remembrance.
I agree with Polly Anna. There are several Find a Grave members who have over 100k memorials, really. And most of them will not transfer over-why. I think every memorial should have the requirement of relationship to memorial, or if you are just adding the memorial for others to locate. THEY ARE NOT OURS TO OWN, it is a SERVICE to HELP relatives locate their loved ones, especially if they live out of the area, I have had several families contact me from other countries thanking me for locating their loved ones for THEM, and i willing/gladly transferred over.
Since the idea is to create more “openess” on Find a Grave, how about eliminating the option to create a memorial as “Anonymous”? I’ve been a member for 15+ years andI didn’t know this was even a “thing” until a few months ago when an Anonymous demanded I remove a statement about my maternal grandmother’s death in her bio. I refused to do so bc I knew it to be true from personal knowledge. I have a good idea who this “Anonymous” is and that he wasn’t even born until after Grandma died, but I question the motives of anyone seeking membership who won’t identify themselves with at least a partially-identifying screen name.
You make a very good point, but I would take it even further. Why should contributors be allowed to go by made-up fake names? Your own moniker here keeps you just as anonymous as the person you’re referring to. You can easily see who I am, but I have no idea who you are. Think about it.
I am one of those who had both my parents and my daughter die this past year and found that someone else had put the memorial up just days after they were in the ground! They got the info from the obituary, even the pictures and put it up. It was putting up the pictures of them that bothered me the most. It made me cry and it felt so impersonal. Those were my pictures I gave to the funeral home. I felt like they stole the pictures. Besides that, some of the pictures I don’t want on Find a Grave. Now I feel like the bad person if I want to ask the person to take down the pictures. I like the idea of waiting 3 months or more before someone makes a memorial. What’s the haste in getting them on the site? Give the family some time! Just so you know i did ask them to transfer the memorials to me and they were kind enough to do that. I just don’t know how to handle the picture situation.
This is an excellent point. I have occasionally asked someone to delete a photo on a memorial I created, including the one for my own mother, and they refused. In my opinion, the manager of a memorial should have control over all of the photos on that memorial.
Thank you so much for being sensitive to those who’ve recently lost a loved one. These are much needed improvements to the site.
This isn’t related to the management of memorials. What I would like to see it the option for memorial managers to be able to change the type of photo that is uploaded. We can now rotate photos, which is great when someone uploads a photo that was taken sideways. But so many people don’t seem to realize that when you upload a photo (such as picture of the deceased, or a birth certificate or death certificate) the photo is automatically marked as a “grave” photo. When that happens it looks like someone has already taken a photo of the grave, because the non-grave photo removes the “no grave photo” text on the memorial. If memorial managers could change the designation of those photos, it would help a lot.
I believe these new steps do not go far enough. I believe that the three month period should be limited to close family entries. There are people who have final wishes for privacy and not to be listed on online. Those last wishes may be known only to the family. Find-A-Grave does not respect that or their privacy. If there was a three month moratorium for everyone but close family members, the wishes of the deceased could be carried out. I have experienced this and it is very upsetting.
I understand but not sure I agree 100%. I have walked several cemeteries of the years and taken photos and entered memorials for them. Most of them were very old memorials that people had just forgotten about. Some were new memorials for people that even six months old that no one had recorded. After a time the information is taken off the funeral home sites or the newspaper site and if not entered it is lost.
I never wish to hurt or upset anyone that has lost a family member, but I setup memorials to honor the person that has passed and to keep their memory alive for all that come after him/her.
I come from a LARGE family, dad was one of 13 children and I have one aunt that has 18 children. Limits for people related to me would not work.
Excellent news! Thank you!! We recently had a death in the family and the afternoon after the funeral I went on to Find A Grave to put a memorial only to find there was one already there by a third party who was not a friend or a relative. Luckily they were understanding and removed it so we could put our own up. Again, thank you!
We had a problem in 2014 with a funeral home employee creating a page for my father before we had even contacted friends and extended family. We were going to get the arrangements made and then contact people once instead of twice. When I saw it had been posted I asked to have it transferred to me. Not very professional on the employee’s part..
I love this! I was fortunate enough to discover Find a Grave when you first started up and was able to create memorials for many of my close ancestors and relations. I don’t care about “numbers”. I have only created and manage direct and collateral ancestors as well as my husband’s ancestors. However, when my father passed away last year (2021), someone had already created his memorial the day his obit came out! I contacted them about that, and they released his memorial to me, but then hounded me immediately about not placing his obit on his memorial immediately. Thought that was SO inappropriate, because I am a genealogist and was definitely going to do that, but it just wasn’t the “right time” to hound a family member about that. Since some people don’t respond when you ask them if they will transfer, these new options are a “dream come true” for managing a loved one’s memorial that mean a lot to some of us.
I have been a Find A Grave volunteer for nearly 13 years and have a few comments to add.
Once an obituary is published, it is not considered privileged or private information, since it would be freely available to anyone who cares to pick up a newspaper and read it. Obituaries are also freely accessible via the internet as well as newspapers.com and ancestry.com, both of which are owned by the same person that owns Find A Grave. How ironic.
If the obituary is published in the newspaper and/or on line, and it includes names of living survivors, there should be no issue with adding the obituary to the Find A Grave profile, either as a photo of the obit or keyed into the bio section.
I completely agree with the comment of Scott Jones above (posted Jan. 13 at 5:59 pm):
“Since Find a Grave is also owned by Ancestry, and Ancestry Family Tree pulls and distributes information from Find A Grave to assist people with building their family trees, I see no reason why this would not be helpful information to genealogists at all levels. This information is published and available to the public in an online obituary from a funeral home and in newspapers, so why has this suddenly become such a problem for Find A Grave? The only problem I see so far is, that by publishing obits to bios on Find a Grave memorials deprives Ancestry of subscriptions to US Newspapers archives of obituaries, which by the way, should be included in the $189.95/yr I pay to Ancestry for my subscription to the Family Tree website.”
It should also be noted that a deceased person does not have civil and legal rights. Only living individuals have those. I say this because some people complain about Find A Grave and the photos we add, as if we are violating the privacy of the deceased. There is no such thing as “right to privacy” for the deceased.
I feel here are bigger problems on Find A Grave that you need to address:
(1) The number of “hoarders” who claim profiles and falsely claim to be a relative. Also, the same type of hoarders who refuse to transfer a memorial.
(2) The number of members that prevent any other member from contacting them. This is especially frustrating when an error is found on a profile. All members managing profiles should maintain availability to be contacted by other members.
(3) Some members habitually add “Rest in Peace (name of deceased)” to every gravesite photo they add. That includes gravesite photos of individuals guilty/convicted of violent crimes like rape and murder. “Rest in Peace” added to those profiles and photos is inconsiderate and EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE to the survivors of the victims. We, as volunteers, are here to add photos, NOT to add personal sentiments to gravesite photos of deceased people we do not know.
Excellent comments. Thank you!
Thank you, Find-a-Grave, for implementing the 3 month window for recently deceased. Perhaps this will help eliminate the “obituary warriors” who scan the paper each day and create a memorial, sometimes even before the funeral has taken place.
I only have one interest when I add a memorial to Find A Grave. “I simply want to add “info” on a deceased individual as accurately and hopefully as informative as one can. I could care less how many memorials I have created or manage. Thus when someone asks me for a transfer they will get what they ask for. The only exception would be a close immediate family member. Do I sometimes make a mistake….YES …. I am human. If someone points the mistake out …. I am not offended …. I do my best to fix the error. This new change only gives me one concern which isn’t a real big concern, I often find people use their “nickname” in documents and on tombstones as opposed to name given them at birth. The concern comes that people who are related closely will often enter it that way since they know who it is; thus people coming afterwards will have more difficulty in determining if they are actually who they are looking for and those who have done genealogy research know this all to well. I just hope everyone keeps up their good work in Find A Grave.
Just to expand on your last comment: Someone, for example, may have roamed a cemetery and created a memorial for Susie Jones based on the headstone engraving. If Susie was your 2nd cousin and you know that her name was actually Margaret Susan (Smith) Jones, that memorial creator should have no problem accepting your edit suggestion on the name and putting “Susie” as the nickname. But I have occasionally encountered memorial creators or managers who stubbornly refused to alter the name from the way it was represented on the headstone. This is especially unfortunate when there is a spelling error in the engraving — like my great-grandmother Lucinda whose marker says Lusinda. There are sometimes age and date errors as well.
I also agree. That is also why it is better to have actual relatives managing their families Memorials. They should have the correct spelling and given names, plus all of the other information. And I do understand that even family members can make errors or maybe don’t have some of the information or got wrong information. But total strangers have no idea about anything for a Memorial if they are not even related..