Update: Thank you to everyone for you comments and thoughts on this issue. We read all them and really appreciate the different perspective each of you brings to the conversation. We know there isn’t a perfect solution, but we appreciate your insights and will use them to refine our plans.
We occasionally hear from people who have have lost a loved one and, when they are ready, they go to Find A Grave to create a memorial for them and find that there is already one there. Many aren’t sure how to go about having the memorial transferred to them or the memorial manager is unresponsive which can make a challenging time more difficult.
It’s an unusual case, and we need to be balanced in our response to it, but we’d like to find a way to make this experience better.
Below is a rough outline of one idea we had. We’d love to hear what you think about this idea or any other ideas you have in the comments on this page.
Thanks!
When someone creates a memorial for someone who has died within the past year we would ask for their relationship. (One year is a starting point, but we’d be curious to hear your opinion on how long this time should be.)
If the person creating the page is not related within our transfer guidelines (this is currently direct line relatives within 4 generations, but we’d appreciate your thoughts on this too), we would let them know that the memorial will be in a provisional state and that if a family member would like to claim it, we will transfer it to them.
Once the memorial is created, it would look like any other memorial, but we would add some messaging to let family members know they can claim the page. (What message do you think would be appropriate?)
Next we would ask them how they are related. If the relationship is within the guidelines they would go to the next step. If they are not related within the guidelines, we would let them know that we only automatically transfer memorials to people within those guidelines and that they can contact the page manager to request a transfer and tell them how to do that.
To continue with the transfer they would need to sign in or create an account and if they don’t already manage other pages, we would give them a quick run down of what that entails.
Once they were signed in we would transfer the memorial to them and ask if they would like the page to continue to say “Created by [original creator]” or not. If they say no, we would remove the reference to the original creator and just say, “Managed by [new person].”
I do not have an issue with someone creating them. I do however have a problem when it is a close relative like my father’s for example that the person will not turn the memorial over to me. I sent an email to Find a Grave for assistance in the matter and got no response.
Enforcing the relationship perimeters will be difficult. A complete moratorium for six months minimum on adding obituaries unless it is a very close relative, i.e., parent, spouse, sibling, child, is a good start. The obituary vultures are not performing a service for anyone by posting information on a recent death. They are doing for their own selfish egos. A true service would be walking an old cemetery and adding that information to Findagrave.
Anyone who needs to know about a recent death can locate the information in many other places.
Rudeness by the collectors of obituaries is not unusual. One such collector states on his page that any attempt to contact him or Findagrave about transferring a Findagrave listing will result in that individual NEVER receiving it. I think the powers that be at Findagrave need to take a close look at the number of requests that are never acknowledged, the number that are declined, and the Findagrave collectors who are rude to others.
Thank you for addressing this issue. I think one year is a reasonable time. I would like to see preference given to children and grandchildren of the deceased to be granted ownership if requested.
I agree with Debbie. I think 3 generations direct descent is appropriate. I would prefer that no memorial be posted within whatever timeframe is eventually set (i.e., not a provisional memorial).
Kudos to findagrave for being willing to consider that a change needs to be made. I’m eternally grateful to the many volunteers who have actually walked the cemeteries and added photos. Thank you all.
I think this is totally unnecessary. As a longtime genealogist (45 years) it seems to me that this will only prevent memorials from being created. If a non-relative volunteer has to wait a year or even months before posting a memorial, that greatly increases the likelihood they are just not going to get done. Educating folks about this subject might be the better way to go – then if there is an issue, also have some easy and clear way for folks to contact you to get it resolved.
At the very most, maybe have it be that folks can’t post a memorial within one month of someone’s passing. That would give closer family time to post it themselves if they want to. Have your form not accept entries that have death dates that are within 30 days of DOD. I know, someone will always find a way around this like just leaving off the date or month or year but why punish an entire community just because of a few with poor judgement?
I agree that immediate family should be able to be manager of their family member’s memorial if requested, but remember that it can also be used to remove memorials, thereby deny other family members the ability to memorialize their parent/grandparent etc.
Whatever you do, have it be very simple. Why allow a few folks with good intentions (but bad judgement) to ruin it for the rest of the Findagrave community?
I feel very strongly that the only persons who should be allowed to make a Find A Grave memorial for a deceased person should be a direct line relative, as named in an obituary.
And a photo of their memorial marker must accompany the memorial – that way, a stranger who lives hundreds of miles away would not be able to run up the score, as some of these vultures seem to be doing.
My parents were both cremated, and their ashes scattered. My brother and sister and I have agreed not to place any memorial – which is the way THEY wanted it.
Here’s 2 cents from someone who has gone through this. My father passed in 1984, before I really got into genealogy. Someone else posted his Memorial. Several years ago, I posted the picture of his stone. Since then someone else has posted a very similar photo. My mother passed last October and when I went to post a few weeks later, it was already there and now an updated picture is there. I don’t have management for either of my parents or my grandparents. I was a bit upset to see my Mom’s there so quickly as it is a painful time but I know who did it and I know it wasn’t done in malice. I can always suggest changes if I wish.
You can also ask for the memorials to be transferred to you. As a child you take precedence.
I am very glad to see this issue being raised and discussed. I don’t have a suggestion.
Recently I experienced exactly what is being discussed. I was frustrated to see that someone had added a memorial for my mother-in-law before I could do so myself. They had copied the obituary in its entirety, including listing the names and locations of living family members, and the photo, with no credit given to its source. I manage several memorials – all are family members – and appreciate being able to ensure accurate information while maintaining the privacy of living relatives.
I think there needs to be a balance between the intention of providing/sharing information used for genealogical or other purposes, with the respect owed as a tribute to those who are memorialized on this site and their families. And in all cases, accuracy of information, privacy of the living, and citing of sources, should be maintained.
I like the idea, here are my thoughts.
• a year is to long, maybe a month or 3 months
• a big transfer button or something real obvious
• what about more than one relative claiming?
• is this to be only for direct line? Would like to have it for aunts, uncles and 1st cousins.
Memorials without a photo of the gravestone should not be allowed or there should be a rule that a photo of the gravestone or grave needs to be posted within a certain time frame. That should cut down on the number of folks just trying to get credit for posting large numbers of memorials. Since, in the case of modern burials, gravestones are often not placed until some time after the funeral, that should also help cut down the memorial thieves.
As to who has priority on posting a memorial you will need a list. I would suggest the following: spouse, children or parents, siblings, grandparents or grandchildren, aunts & uncles, 1st cousins, nieces or nephews. Beyond that any relative. Would it be too much to ask those who want to post a memorial to provide proof of the relationship?
And thus every person cremated with no stone, every person whose family couldn’t afford a stone, every person whose stone has been destroyed or rendered unreadable doesn’t get a memorial. In fact, my MOM doesn’t get a memorial, by your reckoning. Nor does my Grandpa. Or my Aunt. None of them have stones.
There is absolutely no reason or right for a stranger to create a memorial for other peoples deceased family members! It is the right of the family to create the memorial in memory of their loved one.
The fact that others are intruding in the dignity and pain of grieving families appalls me! More so that they refuse to remove the memorial is disgusting.
Find a grave was a long term volunteer project that did not have memorials unless a family member chose to do it. Those volunteers must be turning over in their graves at what Ancestry has done to the project and what strangers are doing to violate the families of the deceased. Shame on you all for the crude manner in which you fight to do a memorial for which you have NO RIGHT to do. Shameful just Shameful!
I have always detested Ancestry for their greedy and self serving commercialism. If Ancestry is condoning this disgusting fiasco, I am further enraged.
Someone not related, who has added to the find a grave memorial for my Irish Ancestors has refused to turn them over to me. How dare she do that! She also has done the same to others! Ancestry promised to keep Find a Grave free but to get the good photo of the graves, there is a paywall.
Some non-relatives were posting memorials long before ancestry purchased Find A Grave.
Shirley Farrar, you are 100% wrong that “Find a grave was a long term volunteer project that did not have memorials unless a family member chose to do it.”
It is astonishing that people who are completely ignorant of the history of a website are trying to say what it “was”.
Then I remember we live in an age of “alternative facts” where truth and integrity has taken a backseat to egotism.
I think there should be a month after the death before a memorial can be posted, to give family members a chance to post it themselves.
There must be some way to prevent ALL memorials less than a month after the death of the person from being posted. If the death date is within the previous month, don’t allow it. Period. The analogy between Find A Grave memorials and public obituaries is a false equivalency; one is produced by the family, the other probably is not.
In addition to the other ideas above (i.e., asking for relationship, etc.), I think you should prohibit a memorial posted within 365 days of a person’s death. When the contributor enters the death date, and its within the last 365 days, you should have a BIG pop-up that says, “Out of courtesy to the deceased’s family, a memorial cannot be created within 365 days of the decedent’s death,” and then when they click “okay,” close out the memorial creation screen completely. Again, I know that some people will just fake the death date to get around it, but I don’t think you can do much more other than create a moral effect.
I don’t care for this solution at all. A year is too long. Also, it would not solve the problem to just include direct line relatives within 4 generations. When my aunt died, her memorial was in FindaGrave before her funeral which I thought was very disrespectful to the family. No one in her immediate family is a member of FindaGrave, so I wanted to create her memorial as she was like my second mom. According to your guidelines, I would not qualify for her transfer and would have to let the original creator continue to manage her unless they were kind enough to transfer her to me. How about this? How about you write an algorithm that would not allow a new memorial until 4 weeks after the date of death. Then those who use obits would have to wait a month to enter those memorials. Exception to the algorithm-allow ANY family member to add them, not just the direct line relatives, but also aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc. Allow those memorials to go through before the 4 week limit after the death. At least then, a family member will have had the honor to add them, instead of a stranger who would just pull them off of the newspaper. If no memorial was added by the end of the 4 week early entry period, then anyone can add the memorial. Then, if a direct line relative sees the memorial at a later date, they will only have to deal with kin, who added them during the early entry period, instead of a stranger who added their loved one.
I have sent numerous requests to the person who established a reference for my husband before he had been gone a month. I thought this was crass and ignored my feelings AND she never bothered to respond when I asked that she transfer it to me. The last email I sent her was returned as no long active which leads me to believe she has passed away. Which leads me to my question: how does a site get transferred when the original manager has passed away? Please address that possibility.
There is a procedure for this in Find A Grave – check the FAQ’s section.
I know that occasionally a family member might want to add a memorial for someone who has recently passed, just to find that one has already been added. In most cases the memorial would be transfered with no problems, so I find all of this unnecessary. It might actually prevent contributors who add recent burials from doing so, causing the memorials not to be added at all.
I agree, and find all of this unnecessary. I created many memorials from walking and photographing the cemeteries, and some are recent burials. Am I supposed to skip those, or put them on hold? They may never be added to the database. There are other sites where people can create beautiful memorial pages for their loved ones.
I appreciate your efforts to solve this problem. The ideas are good and should be implemented AFTER at least a 30 day moratorium where only direct family members can set up a memorial.
I like Drew McKerlie’s comment above. There should be a waiting period before a non-relative can enter. I remember rushing to enter my sister’s record so I didn’t have to fight some mass contributor for control. And I remember the guy in Arkansas who managed 15,000 graves and who enter my sister-in-law and brother-in-law’s records on the day they died, before all family were even notified. Please add a waiting period for non-relatives. This has caused real pain.
This is something that has been long needed! As someone who has had this happen to our family on more than one occasion, I believe there should be a mechanism to try and do this. One possibly solution to help prevent people from lying about a relationship is to them if they are caught doing so, there ability to post will be suspended for X months the first time and permanently the second time.
I will say though that I have also seen marked improvement since Ancestry took over.
I definitely like the idea of making plans for this. What really bugs me is when as soon as an obit appears, a person makes the memorial. The person is not even buried yet!! I think this is disrespectful and far from compassionate! Its only a game to collect memorials!
Is Find-A-Grave, now owned by Ancestry.com, becoming so insensitive to its users the it cannot conceive of any way in which to address this issue which did not exist prior to its purchase by Ancestry.com?? Shame on Ancestry.com for not being sensitive to people who have lost a loved one. And so sensitive to those who scavenge memorials. I for one am very tired of going to Find-A-Grave and finding nothing there, not even a gravestone photo. Come on Ancestry.com, at least try to appear that you are invested in real genealogy and not fake expressions of lineage. Fix the problem now!!! You’ve as much as admitted that there is a problem. Two weeks HAH. How about two years!!!
Barb, it did exist before. Back when my own wife died, long before Ancestry bought it, I had an issue. In that case, I put up the memorial but before I could post flattering pictures, someone jumped in and posted some unflattering ones he/she found on FB. I had to delete the whole memorial and redo it once I had the max # pix ready to load.
I agree Larry, the problem did exist before Ancestry purchased Find A Grave. And it does need to have some correction.
Perhaps period of time where a memorial can be submitted but not displayed is appropriate (perhaps a month or two). During that time, any duplicated creation requests can be accumulated along with relationship roles. If there are multiple requests, all parties are notified, an owner can be proposed, and requesters can respond before the proposal is made official. If there is conflict, it can be resolved before the memorial becomes public. Furthermore, there should be some form of penalty for fraudulent claims of relationship to the deceased. If a user claims a memorial using a family relation that is later contested, perhaps they lose access to create memorials for a period of time. Repeat offenders could have all memorials stripped from them.
I will be harsh . . . . I have no sympathy for “memorial collectors”. Have they no sensitivity for a grieving family? Have they ever experienced the death of a dearly beloved one: a spouse, parent, child?
Others have posted (above) that there is nothing to keep a poster from being dishonest about their relationship to the deceased – I fear that is true. Using a drop-down menu to choose your relationship would not solve the problem. I would like to see a hands-down moratorium on posting any deaths until AT LEAST the six month anniversary of the death.
There are many cemeteries awaiting the talents of “ memorial collectors” so how about turning attention to those who have died a year ago, ten years ago, 100 years ago and more. From a genealogist’s standpoint those are much more valuable.
I agree! I had one who had one of my 2G grandfather’s daughter attributed to the wrong family and blatantly said they would not accept changes. After 2 years, she finally did but I told her I was about to post a new memorial of the same grave in a way that would embarrass her. Shame I had to resort to that level to get her to fix it.
A year seems reasonable for time frame to be provisional. It can be difficult to deal with the funeral let alone estate business and the grief. Funeral homes don’t normally tell you to create the entry when you submit the obituary for publishing. Erring in allowing more time than less is a kindness.
The limit per contributor to the number of memorials as a child, parent, etc is a great idea. I’d suggest child 2, parent 16, grandparent 4, great grandparents 8, etc.
The fast postings by the creators working for accolades as top contributor could be lessened by removing any count postings on the site.
A button on each page to request transfer would be much easier than the digging it takes now to make a transfer request. The button could have the message “Is this your family within four generations? Click here to find out how to transfer the page to you!”
Once transferred, remove the “created” by person and leave ”managed by”. I’d suggest all pages be labeled “managed by”! This makes the manger of greater importance than the creator.
And as a child who wrote my parents’ obituaries, but was not able to create their memorial pages fast enough, it’s something that I feel strongly needs changing!
I feel a waiting period is not a real problem. Most family members are not even aware of Find A Grave, but the valuable information from a burial location and family links will help memorialize the individual for future descendants. If unrelated individuals are not allowed to post memorials in a timely manner, the information will be lost forever, in most situations.
If this policy is instigated, the waiting period should not be longer than a month.
If requested by family members, I always transfer a memorial. I have very few requests to do so, and the amount of memorial information lost due to this proposal far outweighs the possible disrespect to family members.
I think this is a fantastic idea! I think the one year timeframe is perfect. My only differing opinion is in regards to the persons who can claim the memorial within that first year. I think 4 generations is to broad. I think 2 generations would be more appropriate. Thank you for this. I think it is a wonderful compromise to give grieving family members respect and allow the genealogical community their right to information.
I am one of those who found a FindaGrave entry for Mom online before she was even laid to rest. And yes, it was distressing. The owner of the memorial did agree to transfer the entry to me, but not everyone is so lucky.
On the page where new memorials are created, I would suggest a message that states something like this- “Within 3 months after the death date, only someone of the following kinship may create a memorial: parent, child, grandchild, great-grandchild, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, first cousin, sibling. Violators may be [terminated? Some wording to discourage folks from abusing the guideline.] After three months, anyone may create a memorial, but they are urged to agree to transfer ownership to closer relatives upon request.”
There should be a clear ‘contact us’ method, easily found, sofolks could notify FindaGrave if someone outside the family posts within the restricted three month window. Hopefully, the threat of being terminated would promote good behavior and few reports result.
In addition, on the memorial page itself, consider adding content for family. For example, “If the deceased is your relative, and you wish to be the person maintaining this memorial entry, select ‘View Source’ to see how to transfer management.”
Thanks for considering this serious issue and looking for solutions!
I think 6-12 months is an adequate time to wait before adding a non-relative. By this point most family members are used to the loss and no longer have intense pain associated with it.
As for how we might make sure these are added without having forgotten all about them by the time they’re “free” to add, what if we were able to create a basic record (name, birth/death dates and locations, image of gravestone) and it be placed on “hold” until the death has passed the minimum time?
Then if there’s a request by relative (or closer relative) during this time, they can be assigned the memorial.
On one hand, I think a year might be too long. When my father died, it took 4 months for his stone to be placed. So, I think 6 months might be a good compromise. If family is aware of find-a-grave, I think 6 months is enough.
For recent deaths, I think the guidelines should be slightly expanded to include very close relations like aunt/uncle/niece/nephew/first cousins. When my aunt passed away, my cousins, one of whom is into genealogy, didn’t even think about find-a-grave. So I did it for her and transferred it to her. I knew someone would do one based on her obituary if I didn’t do it first.
Going along with that, I think photos of the stone should be required unless there is proof (obituary, death certificate) that cremation was planned.
Thank you for trying to find a solution to this. I am hopeful that asking the relationship question will make people stop and think before they add a memorial. A year seems like a reasonable time. Anything that makes a poster stop and think about the family and their feelings will be a great help.
Apart from the sensitivities of the families, I am against memorials (in general). Why? Because I have seen how they can be manufactured ‘whole cloth’.
This is from a genealogist’s point of view: the inaccurate information may be adopted by future descendants as the gospel truth, causing no end of confusion for decades.
Genealogy is a time-consuming work for a reason: it should be biased in favor of accuracy.
I shall not speak from a personal perspective on time-lapse, as I have but one experience with Find A Grave.
However, one side of my family are noted for their longevity. My mother is approaching her 100th birthday and I saw her turn up on Find A Grave as deceased. She was horrified!
I contacted the volunteer who posted it, and thankfully, they were alive and willing to remove the misinformation.
I think Find A Grave would better if it cataloged existing information (the photo and info on the grave/memorial marker).
I’m so glad you’re addressing this. Unfortunately, finding my son’s grave was on your site was my introduction to F.A.G. I was furious. I didn’t understand the purpose of the site at the time and wondered why people that never knew him would want to seek out his grave. Since then I’ve understood, but still remember how I felt. I would say a one or two year wait to add a memorial, unless added by a family member. As far as verifying if they are really family, that would be tough. But again, thank you for addressing this sensitive issue.
Others (leavesfamhist, Suzy Manderson, Drew McKerlie, sethtaplin) have said it for me; and I agree with Jeanette Hopkins that all pages should say “managed by”.
This is only a beginning and not necessarily a very good one. Allow ONLY direct line family members to create a memorial in the first 90 days after the death of a loved one. At the end of 90 days, then anyone can create the memorial. Start insisting on a grave marker photo or require some other source(s) for dates and locations of birth and death. There are so many errors on Find A Grave and most are made by non-family. I appreciate the work of those who are photographing stones and transcribing from cemeteries for those who are long-deceased and to whom they are not related. That takes a huge amount of effort and dedication. Those who sit in their recliner, comb online newspapers just to be the first to post a memorial–that’s just crass and I would hope that Find A Grave would have higher ethical standards.
I think requiring a photo of the headstone is an excellent idea – especially within a year of death date. After tall, that’s what the site was originally created to do!
Another big improvement would be if FG would respond quickly to the transfer requests and not take 2 years to respond!
Personally i lean toward a easier way to transfer the memorial but other then that. There is no true way to fix it. The ones that everyone wants to stop will find a away around whatever is implemented. The others will still suffer. I have lost resent love one’s but because I know how Find-A-Grave works, created the memorial as part of the funeral prep. No method is going to make everyone happy. Not all the memorial creators are after numbers either. Some is even genealogy societies and other groups trying to be helpful. Others might be people that cant get out of the house and are trying to help. Most of these will gladly transfer.
Your solution does not solve the problem. It’s the shock of seeing a memorial before a person has even been buried that hurts. There needs to be a time limit on how soon after a person dies a memorial may be made.
Seems to me that one solution would be to not allow any posting of a new memorial until 3-6 months after the death date ON THE MARKER. What is the rush here? This would give family time to come to terms with their loss. Those who just add memorials to increase their numbers (yes, I know some are in competition to have the most memorials posted) will just have to wait. As far as who ‘owns’ the memorial, I agree with leavesfamhist. NOBODY owns it – but I thank those who take time to voluntarily post memorials. As far as who gets to post a memorial, that should be a family member (first), or, if like me they aren’t comfortable with the technology involved, then someone not related. If a family member wants to add something or correct something then they should be able to and there needs to be a mechanism in place from FindaGrave to make sure that happens without a lot of drama.
I agree with some of the concepts you’ve presented but you’ve made it more complicated than it needs to be. Memorials should only be accepted from the family for at least six months. Family should be defined as spouse, parents, sibling, children, grandchildren or great grandchildren. Four generations is too broad.
No one else should even be allowed to create a temporary memorial. It seems like some of the items you have proposed will be difficult and time consuming to monitor.
Do not allow non-family members to post until after the moratorium period.
Some people just troll the news papers and make a page. I had trouble getting my father in laws. The obit wasn’t even right.
I think the process should be left alone. I’m sick and tired of people on the genealogy lecture/speaking circuit going around and bullying others in the genealogical community. Most of the content they “lecture” on is tired and irrelevant. I think genealogical societies to stop some of these boring lectures and instead have brick wall sessions and more interactive workshops among their membership anyway. My guess is there is great wisdom within most genealogical societies and rather than pay people to come and “lecture” on tired topics, perhaps you turn inside and get wisdom and insight from your own membership. Most of the “professionals” don’t even do genealogical research for clients anymore. Instead, they just fly around the country and rattle off the same old topics over and over again.
A Find-A-Grave memorial isn’t a person, it’s data on a website. People can add information about the dead on numerous websites when someone passes. I feel like this whole matter is being stirred up as a P.R. ploy because Find-A-Grave memorials are despised by the “professional” genealogists because they make it easier for everyday people to find family. The “professionals” would rather this kind of information to be harder to come by so people have to pay researchers to find it. Think I’m kidding, just look up any “professional” genealogist who has a Find-A-Grave account and you’ll see they’ve contributed very few memorials to the Find-A-Grave platform. They’d never admit it, but they hate that this website exists. This whole business about waiting a month or 90 days is designed to prevent people from documenting the dead.
If the person making this suggestion and trying to bully Find-A-Grave into making a change had been an active participant in the Find-A-Grave community, it may be worth considering. But as I understand from the profile of the person who stirred all this up, they’ve contributed few, if any, memorials to Find-A-Grave. Just ignore them please.
Within 6 months of a person’s death, only direct family members within 4 generations should be able to create a memorial for the deceased. If the memorial creator is outside the guidelines, then the memorial should be rejected.
I agree that grieving family members need time to post their own memorials. I am still grieving the death of a beloved family member, and I am shocked that a memorial had been posted within days of the funeral. The owner did transfer management to me, but I wanted to do this for my family member myself. It would have helped in our healing process and acknowledge the love her family had for her that we cared enough to post her memorial.
Why can’t multiple memorials be posted. Easy solution.
A year is just too long! My mother just passed on Sept 6th. I set up her FAG memorial within a week of her death, to be sure no one else tried to claim my Mom’s Memorial. At that time, we knew where she would be for her final resting and I wrote that on the Memorial. I would have liked to have had more time to make this, but I didn’t want to fight for my own mother’s memorial! Honestly, I think the FAG vultures will just lie! And about the suggestion of a photo…well, sometimes it takes MONTHS to get the stone put on the site, so that would be unfair. And not all have photos, even now! I do think 3 – 6 mos is a more adequate time period. It gives a little breathing room. Not only have I done my mother’s, but also my sister and some cousins. If any of their children wanted to take over, I would give it to them. The children should have first right, then grandchildren, then gr grandchildren. I feel that as the genealogist of the family, I wanted to make my cousin’s FAG Memorial also within the week. First, so I would not forget and second so that it is in the family. I realize that not all FAG contributors are as honest and helpful as I am, but I have run across many that truly are! I think as the child/grandchild or gr grandchild you should be able to add the memorial whenever you are ready, even that is the day after the death of a loved one.
I am also one who found a memorial for my Dad created before I had a chance to add it myself. I was lucky and had no problem getting the memorial transferred. That, however, did not stop the initial reaction of what the…
Yes, there should be a moratorium for at least a month if not longer.
FindAGrave also needs to change its policies on who can receive a transfer. It is beyond belief that someone not related to someone in any way can refuse to transfer your great aunts’ or other relatives’ memorial to you. I have repeatedly asked for the management of my great-aunts memorial. She was my godmother yet I continue to receive no response from the current manager.
Both my parents and even my name has misinformation on the FAQ site. Make a large correction button that can be seen and used by older people for each major event and do not allow a posting for at least 3 months, that allows time for most legal and personal decisions to be made……then no posted information could be used by scammers. Scammers DO scan for any info they can use to scam a grieving family.
I am glad this is being addressed but I don’t think as proposed it would have made much of a difference in my case. I still resent the feeling while planning my parents’ funerals that one of the things I dare not forget was to post a memorial before the obituary was published to beat “The Vulture”. That is an unkind label perhaps, but that’s how I think of the person who creates memorials at my family’s cemetery by copying and pasting the complete obituary including the photo (is this even legal?) as soon as it appears online, and more often than not before there actually is a grave. As part of the grieving process I wanted the privilege of creating memorials for my mom and dad myself, not having it transferred by someone who only looked on them as numbers for the total.
I am very much in favor of a 6 month delay in new memorials being created period. Family members in the direct line of the deceased back 4 generations can create the memorials after 30 days. I have seen to many times where strangers and non family members get memorials created before the deceased is gone but a few hours and that is painful to the family. We need to err on the side of caution here. The other problem is when the creator or maintainer of a memorial does not respond to legitimate requests for transfer to a 4 generation family member. Thank you for your consideration in changing the policies to remove these problems.
I like the idea of having to wait a short amount of time, say, six weeks to create a memorial for an unrelated person. If you completely disallow unrelated people to create memorials a lot will go unposted.
How are you going to be sure someone really IS related to the deceased? I think the best plan is to REQUIRE the unrelated poster to turn the memorial over if requested by a family member.
I would like to add that if there is no grave stone for the recently deceased that a memorial should not be created until there is one so a photo can also be added.
It should not be done by obit because that is not always accurate or maybe something changed last minute and they are going elsewhere.
The problem with requiring a headstone is that some families, even in today’s day and age, can’t afford to put up a headstone. Should those people never be remembered in the database?
Just something to think about.
My mom has no stone. My grandpa has no stone. My aunt has no stone. What about them? What about people whose ashes are scattered or bodies are donated to science? Also, stones are often wrong, especially older stones.